Just Break Me In
by NucleusOfARose
Summary: Nightmares plague Stiles almost every night, and when he goes to one of the only places he feels safe at, he's attacked. Forever changed and trying to find answers, Stiles must learn to cope with his new life. But it's hard when all he sees in the mirror is a monster. Luckily, others see him for so much more. Post Season Five, Slow-Build Sterek
1. Chapter One - Monster

**Authors Note:** Hi everyone! Thanks for checking out my story, it's been a while since I've tried my hand at fanfiction so I'll appreciate any criticism or comments. It's my first time writing Teen Wolf, over the last year its been a bit of an obsession of mine. This takes place right after Season 5, but it's been a little while since I've actually watched it, so let me know if I over looked any important information or got something wrong.

I want to address this now, because I know I'll probably get a comment on it: this story has some pretty dark happenings, so characters may seem unlike themselves. But, this is how I honestly see them acting in these situations. I welcome criticism, and opinions of all sorts, but I doubt I'll dramatically change the way I've written them. Besides, I really don't think they seem out of character at all - but, you know, always people out there. Hahaha

 **Be Warned: This chapter may not be suitable for all readers, it contains a** ** _non_** **-graphic non-consensual (rape) scene**

This will be the only rape scene in this story, besides possible flash backs. I won't add warnings for cursing or the like, the rating covers that.

Now on to the story! Enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter One - Monster**

Stiles started awake, feeling blood running through his fingers, which laid across his stomach. However, when he looked down, the only liquid he saw was a couple beads of sweat. His entire chest was damp with it. He bent over to pick up his phone from the bedside table and the screen read _12:35_ am. He groaned, but knew after that vivid nightmare he wouldn't be going back to sleep that night. Donovan still haunted him, along with every other terrible thing this year had brought, and with Malia avoiding any intimate contact after the fiasco with her mother, and danger being gone from Beacon Hills for the time being, he rarely became exhausted enough to sleep without the nightmares.

With a sigh, he sat up, throwing his phone on the other side of his bed before he stood up and went to the bathroom. He avoided looking at himself in the mirror, the sight of the stitches still embedded in his chest never failed to make him cringe and feel faint. He quickly relieved himself and showered, then changed back in his room into a pair of briefs, faded blue jeans and a black tee.

He grabbed his keys and walked out of his room. He wouldn't go to Scott's, he didn't like the guilt in his friends' eyes when he talked about Donovan, so he hadn't mentioned the nightmares to him. Instead, he left his house, locking the door behind him, and took a walk down to a nearby park. It had a large lake that reflected the moon - laying down by the water and staring up at the night sky did wonders for clearing his mind.

He'd been laying down for all of ten minutes when he heard footsteps approaching. Stiles looked up and behind him, startled. A man was about ten feet away, giving Stiles a large smile that was more sadistic than anything else. Stiles began reaching for his waist when he'd remembered he left his gun in his desk at home.

"Well, hello there. What's a handsome pup like you doing out at this time?" The man asked in a honeyed tone, stopping where he was when Stiles noticed him.

Stiles tried to hide his shiver of fear, standing up slowly and not letting his eyes stray. He knew something supernatural when he saw it now, especially when that something had a couple of black pits for eyes. Stiles may be weak and clumsy, but he was fast. He'd take any chance he could to flee. "Are you lost?" Stiles asked, trying to keep his voice light, "The creep park is on the other side of town, just so you know." His eyes glanced quickly to the nearest house, a good 300 meters away on his left. He could make it, with luck.

The man laughed loudly, "I much prefer this one. Seeing you is a highlight of my night. I enjoy watching you, pup." His sadistic grin grew when Stiles tensed, "Oh, yes, I've seen you here every night this week, but I've grown tired of just watching. Is there something on your mind? You can tell me all your worries, I won't bite."

As soon as he'd finished speaking, Stiles ran. He heard the creep sigh behind him but he didn't stop, running at full speed. However, he'd barely doubled the space between the man and himself before he was suddenly pinned on the ground on his stomach, face uncomfortably pressed into the dirt.

"Ah, pup. That was a mistake. All that stunt did was make me want you infinitely more." The man was on top of him, large form straddling his back and leaning down so he could speak next to his ear.

"Get off me!" Stiles yelled, bucking up and down, trying to pull himself free, trying to reach back and hit the man but none of his attempts worked.

The man suddenly dug his face into the crook of Stiles' neck. Inhaling deeply, the creep said breathily, "Mm… It's been a while since a meal smelt so good. I know you aren't alpha, but you must be high on the chain." He inhaled again, ignoring Stiles' string of curses, "And young. Mmm… oh, so, young. You're intoxicating." With that, the man gave a long swipe of his tongue along the inside of his neck, making Stiles freeze.

"Wha… what the fuck are you doing?" Stiles yelled panicked, arching his neck away, not stopping his struggles to get free.

"Oh, for the love of-" The man grabbed a hold of Stiles' head, finding purchase in his hair and yanked his head to the side painfully, while at the same time clenching his thighs over Stiles' hips, forcing him still. "Stop your fucking struggles, pup. Let me enjoy this." He leaned back down and continued licking at Stiles' neck.

A wave of nausea hit Stiles, fear and disgust filling him to the core. He couldn't get free. He didn't know what this man was, he didn't know how to escape. Why the fuck didn't he grab his gun? He didn't even have his cell phone to try and call for help. Without a say, his body began to shiver from his fear. "Get the fuck _off_ of me you damned _lunatic_!" He screamed, trying his hardest to break free, hoping someone would hear him.

He heard the man give a sigh, his breath tickling where his neck was wet. "Fuck, pup," He growled, "Fine, you want this over already?" He asked and tore away Stiles' shirt from his neck to shoulder, "I'll just take my meal then."

And before Stiles could process what he'd said, the man had his mouth on the junction of his neck and shoulder and had bitten down. Stiles' vision blurred and he began yelling out at the top of his lungs, feeling as if his entire soul was begin taken and pulled out of him from the wound.

However, it was over just a moment later, the man yanking free, tearing his skin to shreds in the process, and began coughing and spitting out Stiles' blood.

"What… the," He gasped, coughing uncontrollably, "Fuck..." He vomited, right next to Stiles' shoulder, but Stiles' couldn't bring himself to care, looking past the pain and trying to free himself while the man was distracted. But, even distracted, he was too strong, Stiles still couldn't move at all. "You're not a werewolf. How?! You fucking have the scent."

Stiles eyes widened, pain somehow clearing the panic from his mind and making him understand the earlier ramblings about alpha and why he'd been called pup. But he couldn't form words, not while he continued his useless attempts at getting free. He couldn't stop, even for a second, he wouldn't give in, no matter how useless it seemed to be.

"No answer? Fine. Just because I can't have you one way doesn't mean I can't have you at all." He spits to the side once more before leaning back to Stiles' ear, whispering in a dark seductive voice that just made further chills of disgust and fear overwhelm Stiles, "You are, after all, so very irresistible." Before Stiles could process what was happening, the man leaned back, letting go of his head and scooting further down Stiles' body. Stiles didn't even have time to try and struggle free from this new position because he was frozen in fear as soon as the man put his hands on the waistband of Stiles' jeans and briefs underneath, completely tearing them down the middle.

"Wh-" Stiles cut himself off just as he heard a zipper and realized what was about to happen, "W-Wait! WAIT, please, stop, _please_!" Stiles begged, reaching his arms out to try and crawl away, not able to kick his legs from the man's weight on them. But he didn't go anywhere, the stranger's hands were on his waist in a bruising grip, holding him down. It wasn't even a moment later that he heard a loud sigh and a hard object was pressing against his entrance. Stiles felt bile rise in his throat, and all he could do as he was torn in two was scream at the top of his lungs. The man had no remorse, holding Stiles down and completely having his way with him roughly through Stiles' screams and pleas and sobs.

It seemed like an eternity had passed before it was over. The man came inside of Stiles with a low groan and relieved sigh, still roughly thrusting into Stiles a few times.

"Now," The man said breathily, "Enjoy yourself. I'll be leaving town so we probably won't ever meet again." He pulled out, electing another piercing scream from Stiles. "I hope whatever wolves you're hanging around with will see what a monster you will become. I'm almost sad to miss it, but I'll find my fun elsewhere." He continued, standing up and Stiles heard the sound of him zipping his pants again. But Stiles couldn't move.

He wasn't held down anymore, but the sobs wracking his body wouldn't cease, he was paralyzed, not even able to comprehend what the man had said. When he heard footsteps walking away, his body reacted on its own, forcing him to lift his head from the ground a couple inches and vomit.

* * *

He couldn't remember getting home. All he knew was that he was suddenly in the shower, letting scolding hot water fall over him, scrubbing away the evidence with all his strength. He didn't get out until long after the water ran cold, and his body was red from irritation and the countless blood spots he'd formed with the rag. But when he turned off the water and dried himself off, he wanted to turn back around and get back in the shower. He still felt a trickle of blood running down his thigh. Instead his body convulsed and he collapsed at the toilet, bile quickly finding its way out of his mouth again.

After he finished, he flushed the evidence and dug the first aid kit out of the cabinet below the sink. He quickly bandaged his neck, the pain not even registering anymore. When he was finished, he made his way back to his room wrapped in only a towel. He threw on an overly large hoodie and pair of sweatpants and made his way into his bed, laying on top of the covers on his stomach. He hadn't cried since he'd gotten home, and he refused to let any more tears fall now.

He had to figure out what happened. He had to depersonalize the entire event and study everything the man said. He'd called him pup. He thought Stiles was a werewolf. For some reason, he couldn't stomach Stiles' blood.

Stiles kept referring to himself in the third person while he thought through the night, trying to believe that it was more of a movie than something that happened to him. And it worked, he could think clearly, for a while. He reached over the bed and grabbed his phone, which read _4:17_ am. He couldn't believe it had only been a few hours since he'd woken up. He unlocked his phone and opened his contacts, scrolling to the _D_ section, looking for Deaton.

The only thing that made sense was that the creature was a vampire, but he couldn't jump to conclusions, not when it would affect him so much. He didn't want to face what the man had said without hard facts, and who else would have those facts besides the veterinarian?

However, when he found Deaton's name, his hands had a mind of its own and he ended up tapping on the name just below it, his phone automatically started calling the number.

He tensed when he heard the ringing and quickly ended the call before even putting the phone to his ear. What the hell had he been about to do? Call Derek and tell him what? He hadn't heard from the man since Mexico. Stiles shouldn't try to bring him back into Beacon Hills drama. But, now that he thought about it, he shouldn't call Deaton either… if what he suspected was true, Deaton wouldn't keep that information from Scott.

He nearly fell off the bed a couple moments later when the phone in his hand started vibrating. His eyes widened when he saw Derek's name come up.

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Thank you all so much for reading! Please let me know what you think, I'll take any and all feedback! I'm not putting deadlines on myself for chapters, because college/work does get in the way (boo), but I'm hoping at least one chapter per week.

Take care! :)


	2. Chapter Two - Needing To Hurt

**Authors Note** : Thank you so much for the reviews/favorites/follows last chapter! I'm sorry I couldn't personally respond to the reviews, for some reason emails weren't being sent notifying me I'd gotten any, and by the time I _did_ see there were reviews... well, kinda felt like it was too late to respond... if that makes sense. Haha, any-who, I'm back with chapter two! I'm so glad every has liked the start of _Break Me In_ and I hope you continue to enjoy! Chapters will vary a bit in length, probably on the shorter side, but I cut them off where I feel comfortable, soo... sorry? Heh. :P

On to the chapter! :)

* * *

 **Previously:**

But, now that he thought about it, he shouldn't call Deaton either… if what he suspected was true, Deaton wouldn't keep that information from Scott.

He nearly fell off the bed a couple moments later when the phone in his hand started vibrating. His eyes widened when he saw Derek's name come up.

* * *

 **Chapter Two – Needing to hurt**

"Hey, yo, Derek." Stiles said, clearing his throat when he heard how hoarse his voice was, "What's up?"

" _Stiles_ ," Derek's said huskily, "It is _one_ in the damn morning, what the _hell_ are you doing calling me?"

"One?" He asked, confused, "Where are you at? It's a perfectly normal four in the morning here."

Stiles heard a sigh in response.

"Hey, I mean, you're the one who called me! I could've just butt dialed you!" Stiles defended.

He heard an annoyed groan through the line, "Stiles, just get on with it."

Stiles hesitated, but then thought about how Derek might actually know something because of all his travels and family. Maybe he wouldn't have to figure it all out by himself, so he said, "Well. See, I had a dream, about Dracula. You know, scary vampire man. And it got me thinking, you know, there are werewolves and werecoyotes and banshee's and so many other things, so, I mean, are there vampires and stuff, too? You know, classic horror movie stuff." He asked, trying to sound casual, but he couldn't stop hit voice from ending on a high note, just at the prospect that he might be right in his theory.

Stiles heard a groan and some shuffling, "You called in the middle of the night to ask about _vampires_?" Derek asked grumpily, before giving a sigh, "You'll have to be more specific about what other classics you want to know about, but yes, there are vampires. I haven't ever seen one, but I've heard of them."

"Wow, really? What kinds of things have you heard?" Stiles asked while trying to keep his voice light but beginning to shake slightly at the idea of putting a name behind the man who attacked him.

Derek seemed to notice the change in his voice, "What happened?" He asked seriously.

"Nothing!" Stiles quickly assured, pushing himself away from his stomach in an attempt to sit up, but finding himself quickly regretting it and laying back down, the pain in his backside too great, and he could barely contain a groan of pain, "As I said, Dracula dream, just curious. You know. 'Cause I thought it would be pretty cool, you know, vampires and such."

"They're far from _cool_ , from what I've heard." Derek said, still sounding tired, "I mean, there was a neighbor pack once, I was just a kid - only six or seven - when they came to our pack for help. I just know that vampires hunt werewolves, kind of like other hunters, but specifically werewolves for food, and one was terrorizing this other pack just for fun."

Stiles' fingers began to tap erratically on the phone that was pressed against his ear as he stared off to the side, his eyes focusing on the corner of his desk as he found his theory slowly becoming more and more likely, "And what happened? With the other pack?" He asked Derek, his voice showing no emotion.

Derek was anything but unobservant though, "What happened, Stiles?" He asked again.

"Nothing," Stiles lied, swallowing a lump in his throat, "I'm just curious."

Derek sighed again, but continued with his memory, "There was a vampire hunting this pack, but not for food. Vampires can drain a werewolf and be fine for several months, but this one kept going after more and more members of the pack, killing them just for fun. My mother and a few others went and took care of it, that's really all I know, I haven't heard about them except in passing since."

"So," Stiles said, "How are vampires even made then? Is it like one bite and bam, vampire?" He asked, fearing the answer but making sure his voice sounded even.

"I don't know," Derek admitted, his voice seeming to just escape the roughness that came from sleep, "My mother made anyone under age leave the room when that part came up, but I highly doubt if it was just a mere bite she would've made us do that, not after letting us listen to everything else." He paused, and Stiles' breath caught because he knew exactly why children shouldn't hear how someone is turned, "Stiles, what's going on? I want a straight answer; you wouldn't call me if it was just from a dream."

"Do I smell like a wolf?" Stiles asked quickly, avoiding the question.

Derek hesitated, obviously stumped from the odd question, "I," He sighed, "Yeah, after a while, after being around Scott and the others so much, yeah, you do. You still smell human, but sometimes it was hard to catch that behind the other scents." There was some more shuffling and Stiles assumed he had stood up, "There's one in Beacon hills isn't there? A vampire."

It was Stiles' turn to hesitate, but he felt the need to tell _someone_ , anyone really, overwhelm him and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, "Yes. Well. No. I mean, not anymore. I think. It could even not really _be_ one, you know, it- I mean, really, who knows? But it could've… you know… just been a weirdo... I didn't get a good look at him, so, it's all up in the air, really." That came out far more jumbled than Stiles had planned, not that he'd really planned anything, but Derek seemed to have gotten the gist of it.

"He attacked you?" Derek asked, and Stiles knew he couldn't imagine the fear in his voice, "What _happened_ , Stiles?" He asked once more.

Stiles gripped the fabric of his pillow tightly, "Nothing," He lied, keeping his voice even, "I just saw him from a distance, and then came home, but he was getting on a bus out of town so, yeah, I mean, it was probably nothing. You know me, I overreact, it's what I _do_." He tried his best to sound carefree when he finished speaking.

"He got on a bus?" Derek asked slowly, "At four in the morning?"

Stiles grip tightened further, "Of course not! It was earlier, but, yeah, the dream and such woke me up and then I just accidentally called you, really, nothing happened."

"Stop lying," Derek said calmly, "Look, I can't help you unless you tell me what happened, Stiles." When Stiles didn't reply, he continued, "I'll come back. I'll get on a plane in the morning, I can be there by noon."

"No!" Stiles yelled and pushed himself up in a panic, not able to stop the groan of pain this time as he settled on his knees and quickly got off the bed, "Derek, for fucks sake, it's seriously nothing," His voice was far from even but he couldn't stop, wrapping his free arm around his waist, "He fucking bit me, but that's it, he just threw up and said he was leaving town. That's all, see? Nothing." He huffed, breathing heavily.

"He could've _lied_ , Stiles." Derek said quickly, "I'll come back. I'm sure Scott could handle just one vampire, but for all we know there are more. I know how dangerous they can be - I was told to always stay away from them, so they must be strong. I can't just not come back when I could help." Derek said, and when Stiles heard objects being shuffled, he had a feeling Derek was already packing.

"Please," Stiles said brokenly, and immediately the shuffling stopped, "I don't want Scott to know. It's not important, the guy left, he…" Stiles held himself closer, "He wasn't lying, I know he wasn't."

"What else happened?" Derek asked softly.

Stiles couldn't tell when it happened, but tears were running down his cheeks, "Nothing," He whispered.

"Damn it Stiles!" Derek growled, "How the _fuck_ am I supposed to help if you don't tell me everything?"

"Maybe I don't _want_ help!" Stiles yelled, just before his breath was caught in his throat as a sob tried to escape.

Derek must've heard it, because his next words were spoken softly, "If… if this guy, if he turned you... I don't know how it happens, so I can't confirm if you have or not, but if there's even the _slightest_ chance he did…" Derek hesitated, "You'll have to feed... on a werewolf. Otherwise, I'm sure you'll die."

"I won't hurt my friends," Stiles said brokenly, "Everything's been such a shit storm, I can't put this on them too. I'll be fine, I doubt that's what even happened, it's probably nothing." Stiles said, trying to convince himself more than Derek.

"Stiles…" Derek hesitated, before the shuffling began again, "I'll come. I won't tell anyone else, but I'll be able to tell if you aren't human anymore, I'll help you out, okay?"

"Why?" Stiles asked suddenly, and though he knew he should, he wouldn't tell Derek not to come. He almost wished the man really would. "Why help? You left, you're able to do whatever you want now, why come back to this hell hole?" He had to wipe away the tears still running down his face.

"Because, Stiles," He said with a sigh, "Scott, Liam, everyone… it's the only pack I really have, even after I left. That includes you."

Stiles was speechless for a few moments, trying to even his voice but even still, he couldn't raise it above a whisper when he replied, "Fine, but whatever happens, until I figure things out, it has to stay between us. You have to promise me," He said the last words louder, forcing his voice to be stronger than a broken whisper.

"I promise," Derek huffed out, then the line went dead.

Stiles brought the phone down and tossed it back on the bed. He was glad his dad hadn't woken up when Stiles started yelling. Wrapping his other arm around himself, he let the tears continue to fall. He couldn't depersonalize right now, not after having it confirmed. He knew he wasn't human anymore. He felt different. He felt scarred and broken and after everything that happened to him in recent years, he had never felt so helpless. He held on to those feelings tightly, because they were such _human_ feelings, and he needed to be that.

He couldn't let himself be the monster that the vampire promised Stiles he'd become. He needed to be human right now. He needed to hurt. Stiles would allow himself that, at least.

* * *

 **Authors Note** : Thank you for reading! Please continue to let me know what you think, I appreciate it more than words can say.

I'll see you all again next week for another chapter! :D


	3. Chapter Three - Escape What's Inside Me

**Authors Note** : Hi readers! I hope you've all had a great week. Thank you soo much for the follows, favorites, and especially the reviews! I'm very excited for you to read this next chapter, just... don't kill me, yeah? Heh. Okay, not much else to say, thanks again!

* * *

 **Previously:**

He knew he wasn't human anymore. He felt different. He felt scarred and broken and even after everything that happened to him in recent years, he had never felt so helpless. He held on to those feelings tightly, because they were such _human_ feelings, and he needed to be that.

He couldn't let himself be the monster that the vampire promised Stiles he'd become. He needed to be human right now. He needed to hurt. Stiles would allow himself that, at least.

* * *

 **Chapter 3 – Escape What's Inside Me  
**

Stiles ended up not sleeping any more that night, even when his eyes began feeling heavy from his crying. He just laid on his stomach on top of his bed. His dad knocked on the door as he was leaving for work, telling Stiles to get up for school. Stiles simply responded with a "Gotcha, see you later," in as normal of a voice as he could manage and continued staring at a poster on his wall in a daze. His phone vibrated a few times, messages from Scott asking where he was, if he was okay. One from Derek saying he was boarding a plane and would be there in a few hours. But Stiles couldn't find an urge to reply to either of them. Just tried as hard as he could to keep his mind blank.

Hours ended up passing, and Stiles heard a knock on the door, immediately following a buzz from his phone. Derek was here. All his nerves came back and he was frozen, Stiles felt terrified.

It was about to be confirmed that he wasn't human.

Stiles wasn't ready.

He remembered when Peter asked if he wanted the bite. Honestly, he had lied when he said no. He pretended he didn't know that, pretended it was the truth. Peter knew, but stopped anyhow. Now… now that he knew what it meant to not be human, he knew his heart wouldn't stutter, he knew 'no' would be his honest answer. But at least with a werewolf, he'd know exactly what he was getting into, now, however, he was in unknown territory. Anything could happen.

He didn't want to be a monster.

He clutched harder around the pillow underneath him, and his phone buzzed again.

"Just come in," Stiles whispered, hoping his soft and hoarse voice reached Derek at the front door.

It seemed to, because shortly after Stiles heard footsteps coming up the stairs, followed by a knock on his bedroom door.

"I've already said to come in, no need to knock." He then heard his doorknob attempt to turn but instead it shook a couple times and then stopped. He sighed; he'd completely forgotten that he had locked his door.

Pushing himself up, Stiles winced in pain as he stood and walked to the door, opening it to reveal Derek. Derek who looked just as he did before he left. He seemed exhausted but alert, and carried in an odd smell, but the werewolf already had an apologetic look in his eyes and posture.

"Stiles-," Derek began, but Stiles cut him off.

"Fuck." He mumbled, from the look on Derek's face, he already knew what the man was going to say. The truth still felt like an arrow piercing his heart. "I didn't want this." He defended, crossing his arms together and moving to stand in front of his desk and let Derek in.

"I know. I was hoping you'd always be the human, even with all the trouble you'd get into." He said softly, setting a duffel bag down beside the door and coming to lean against the wall beside his desk.

Stiles snorted, trying to hide the fact that he was about to cry once again, "Yeah, right, you knew Scott wouldn't leave me out of his pack, I'm sure you hated the fact that I was human."

"I didn't." Derek said softly, "Yeah, you were weak physically, but after everything that happened, any normal human would've ran away as soon as there was an opportunity. After everything, you stood beside Scott. I was actually envious that you were so strong in that way, I knew you'd be a valuable member of his pack."

Stiles shook his head, the lack of sleep making him feel foggy, "There were times when I wanted to. Run, I mean. Like before Gerard took me. And when the nogitsune was around. When it was because of _me_ Allison died. When I ki-" Stiles cut himself off, shaking his head, "I'm not strong. Just because I didn't run... that doesn't mean I wasn't weak. Scott is just so helpless without his sidekick; you know?" He tried to joke, but his voice was too flat. He tightened his arms around himself, trying to stay in control of his emotions.

"But you didn't," Derek pointed out.

Stiles sighed, and whispered almost inaudibly, "Maybe I should have."

"Stiles, you won't be able to keep this hidden. Everyone will know as soon as you get close," Derek said, tone gentle, "You smell…" Derek sighed, "You smell different. Very noticeably so."

He reached up and ran a hand through his hair irritably; he really didn't want to believe Derek's words, "I'll try to though. As long as I can. You don't understand everything that's happened, this isn't going to be okay."

"It's not okay," Derek agreed, "But it's _not_ your fault. They will understand, you have to trust that."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Stiles asked, voice rising, "You said I'll only feed on werewolves!" He began feeling dizzy, and he hoped it wasn't a panic attack, "What am I supposed to do? Go up and say 'Hey Scott, so, something really interesting has happened, you'll never guess! I'm a vampire! Now come here and let me _eat you_ '!" He huffed, trying to calm himself down but it wasn't working, "What the fuck is going to happen? There's not one conclusion to this shit-hole that will end well for anyone! I'll either hurt my friends, or scare them off, or I don't fucking know, be locked in Eichen House for the rest of my damn lfie! Which, you know, vampire, so might be forever."

Derek suddenly tensed, but Stiles continued speaking, closing his eyes.

"The only damn good thing that could possibly end up happening is they shun me away, and I won't _ever_ be able to hurt them!" He shouted, opening his eyes, too angry - at himself, the vampire bastard who turned him, even Derek for just being in front of him - to notice the slight red hue everything had.

Stiles saw Derek gulp, and couldn't begin to explain how it happened but it drew his eyes over Derek's body, and Stiles continued his rant, "What'll more likely happen is I'll be just another damn _monster_ that they'll have to hunt down, I'll end up being their enemy all over again, I can't fucking do that to them! Me and Scott are finally good again, this'll fucking break us!" He took a step towards Derek, who pressed against the wall in return. This made Stiles frown, he thought he saw a flash of fear in Derek's eyes. He turned away, thinking he was just upset by the ranting, and he planned on continuing to do so, but mid-turn something caught his attention.

His reflection stared back at him from the mirror behind his desk, and his breath caught.

Standing in the mirror before him wasn't Stiles. It was another being entirely. His eyes were completely black, no white or brown left, he didn't know how he hadn't noticed fangs suddenly growing from his top and bottom row of teeth, large, sharp points taking over his previously-dulled canines. They slid in next to each other which allowed him to close his mouth normally, with only a slightly noticeable thickness on his lips from them. His skin was pale, not deathly so, but with slightly less color than what he'd had last he looked in the mirror. His ears actually gained a slight point to the ends, not to the extent of Scott's wolfed-out form though, they weren't that larger in size.

Trembling, he looked back at Derek, who had relaxed slightly and was staring wide-eyed at Stiles.

"Stiles," Derek said softly, "It's okay. Really. It'll be okay."

Despite the reassurance, Stiles still shook, he realized now that his dizziness wasn't from an oncoming panic attack, it was how someone would feel if they hadn't had anything to eat or drink for a long while – which, after everything Stiles had thrown up wasn't something that would be strange for him to feel. But It only became known when Derek came. He _was_ hungry. But only because food had made itself known. Stiles took a deep breath, realizing ever since he'd opened his bedroom door he'd been smelling something appetizing - it was indescribable, almost like a mix of some mineral and maple syrup, but at the same time something completely different from either of those.

Taking a step back, Stiles turned and picked up the trash can next to his desk, once more emptying his stomach of any acid still in it.

"This can't be real," He whispered, spitting into the can once more before leaning heavily on his desk. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and let out a humourless laugh. "Fuck me."

"Stiles, you need to drink... I don't know much about what you're going through, but I do know that vampires die when they starve, just like humans. Right now, you haven't had anything." Derek took a step away from the wall, "You're probably already starving."

"I'm not killing anyone," He said with more strength than he felt, sending a glare at Derek, his vision still tinted with red.

Derek sighed and took a step closer, "Why do you think Vampires are still so unknown? Even a lot of hunters don't know about them. They don't _normally_ kill. A little bit of blood will last them a long time, according to what my mother said," Stiles realized now the far-away look Derek got when he spoke about his mom, but was too scared of himself to offer any sort of sympathy for him, "Take from me," He said confidently, "I'll stop you if you go too far. But you have to have some, I'm sure it'll help you."

Stiles almost laughed until he realized how serious Derek was. "I could kill you!" Stiles yelled, backing away from Derek. "This is fucking _sick_ , I'm not doing it, I refuse to drink fucking blood!" He cursed again and pulled at his hair, trying to get the thought out of his head. Even though the thought alone made his throat feel dry from pure want.

"Do it, Stiles. It's okay. You won't go too far, I can stop you." He stood a step forward again and now stood directly in front of Stiles, "I'll be okay." Derek reassured again, and Stiles wondered where the formally cruel Derek who wanted to bite his throat out with his teeth went to. Interesting how fate seemed to have completely turned the table around on them.

Stiles was about to refuse once more when suddenly his vision failed him, everything turning a deep red except for Derek's form. Derek, who had reached up and cut an inch-long gash into his neck with his nail.

 **To be continued.**

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Again, no killing the poor writer please. :3 Haha, I will see you all next week for chapter 4! Some interesting happens are in store for our two handsome guys. Also, I've realized I am _completely_ terrible with chapter titles, so from now on I think I'll use song lyrics for titles(?) I'll choose something that I believe fits the chapter - though, I mean, I like some random songs.. so maybe it'll only really fit in my mind, haha, but I'll choose a song and then let you all know the name of it in my post-chapter notes. Most of these songs/my feelings behind them will come from youtube videos that I've liked, so I'll also let you know who made a certain video if that's where I got my inspiration for it... speaking of, I'm a _huge_ fan of videos with pairings and such, so if any of you know good Sterek ones or have even made any yourself (of any pairing, or single character, from any show, youtube is literally how I find series' to watch) I would _love_ to see them! :)

This chapters title comes from: Monster by Imagine Dragons (Stiles youtube video from dunulupo2)

"Just Break Me In" Fanfiction title comes from the song The Runner And The Lover by Former Vandal (a couple of GREAT Sterek videos with that song by FairytaleWishes & Frakaziybra, respectively)

If you can't find the videos, just message me and I can give you a link to them! I promise you won't regret it, they are all _amazing_!

That's all, folks! Haha, I promise authors notes won't be overly long all the time, I just tend to type-rant. :P

I look forward to hearing your opinions on this chapter, thank you for reading!

-Nucleus


	4. Chapter Four - Slip Away Into This Sound

**Authors Note:** Well, after struggling for a little while, I have the chapter up! Yay. Haha, I was going to post this last night but then the site logged me out and all the editing I did was gone. (I write the chapters in a document, then just bring it over here to edit just before I post them). And then of course I got all sad and walked away from the computer all together. Cause. It's what I do. Hahaha, anyhow, I edited this with a clear head this morning and though I think my first edit was a bit better, it's as good as its getting - sorry if messed anything up though, I'm just one gal. :P Oh, and yay, BONUS CHAPTER. Haha, meaning just an extra one within a week, I have an update on how often I might be able to do this in my post-notes. But I'm glad I did it, I had a day off of school/work and I spent all of yesterday writing! :)

 **Tay Questions:** So, will Stiles' scent go back to normal when he's no longer hungry? And only change when he's in need of blood? Or is it forever changed now? And is the new scent covering up the rape and lasting pain?

 **Answer** : I'll try and keep spoilers out of this… The thing is, Stiles' scent is actually _changed_. He doesn't smell human anymore. He smells like a supernatural creature. He still smells like _himself_ , if that makes sense, but there's an underline smell that will be impossible for anyone else to miss. You'll see how some others react to it in future chapters. _And,_ about it covering up the rape/pain, at the moment, Stiles is _so_ screwed up. Honestly that's the best way to put it. He's been raped, he's been changed from human to "monster", but you have to remember – he was already injured. So he already smelled like pain before, from his chest wound. And he'll smell like pain because of just how much he's been mentally torn. His friends will understand and know that, and won't think twice about how he _smells_ in that regard... or _do they?_ Hahaha, gotta leave some wonder in there. But you will again see in the future how it all plays out.  
And, in case you're wondering about the way he was smelling like Derek's blood and such, he's actually going to always be able to smell other people's blood. Even when he isn't hungry. But…. Okay, no, wait, getting into spoiler territory. Haha, um. It'll be interesting! That's all I'll say.  
Tay, you should make an account! :D Your reviews make me smile and I'd love to reply to you personally. And don't ever apologize for questions, I love fanfictions that make me have a billion questions – though hopefully it's all from excitement and not legit confusion.

 **To Everyone** : Please don't hesitate to send me any questions! I love answering them and I happily will - within reason, of course, no spoilers. :P

Enjoy the chapter!

* * *

 **Previously:**

Interesting how fate seemed to have completely turned the table around on them.

Stiles was about to refuse once more when suddenly his vision failed him, everything turning a deep red except for Derek's form. Derek, who had reached up and cut an inch-long gash into his neck with his nail.

* * *

 **Chapter 4 – Slip Away Into This Sound  
**

Before Stiles could comprehend what he was doing, he suddenly had Derek pinned against a wall and was mouthing at his neck, lapping up the drop of blood that had begun falling towards his chest, making sure not even a single spec got absorbed into the man's shirt. He licked a long line from his pulse point up to his jaw line before moving back down and bit directly into his artery, where he could actually feel and hear the blood rushing.

Sweet, delicious nectar filled into his mouth, and Stiles groaned deeply, even as Derek gasped in pain. Stiles likened the taste to the sweetness of honey but so much smoother. He removed his teeth and sucked at the wound, letting the blood flow into him faster. He moaned loud right against Derek, feeling the vibration entice more blood to run into his mouth, he ignored the soft grunt of pain the man gave. His vision was a deep red, and surprisingly it seemed to highlight the pulsing vein running directly into his mouth, allowing him to actually _see_ the flow as it entered his mouth. He reached up with his hand and grabbed onto the base of Derek's neck, pulling him in closer. He growled when he realized the wound was healing, so he bit in again, harder and deeper, taking in more heavenly mouthfuls, giving a heady moan.

Derek's pulse was fast against his lips, still strong, and Stiles took in more, enjoying the feel when that pulse stuttered, and even enjoying the soft groan of pain Derek gave. His mind was too hazy to realize how fucked up that was. Suddenly a hand was in Stiles' hair, pulling him away from Derek's neck. He growled when his teeth slipped free and fought the hold, sinking his teeth back inside the neck, deeply and roughly, to keep drinking.

Derek winced in pain and pulled at him again, but Stiles was too distracted by the blood to care.

"Stiles," Derek gasped, "Stiles, it's time to stop." He panted, and Derek moved his other hand up and pushed on Stiles' chest.

Eyes widening, Stiles tore free once he felt Derek pull on his hair again, tearing the flesh, and he threw himself back – using strength he didn't know he had and making him land across the room, on top of his bed. It tore a sharp cry of pain from him, and he knew he'd begun to bleed underneath his pants again, but he stayed still, looking up at Derek in fear and guilt. He could feel the man's blood surrounding his lips and running down his chin as his vision slowly returned to normal.

Derek was holding his neck, so Stiles couldn't see whether it was healing or not. "Stiles, it's alright." He said softly, walking towards the bed. When Derek sat down on the edge he lowered his hand and though there was blood, the wound itself was gone. "I'm fine, and you stopped, you did good." Derek gave him a small smile, pain leaving his features, but Stiles frowned.

"I did…" He forced himself to stand up, hiding a wince, "I did good?" He asked in disbelief, "What if I hadn't stopped?! You don't realize…" Stiles swallowed and hated that the taste in his mouth was so good, "I didn't want to stop." He said softly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He looked down at the blood smear and had to resist bringing it up to his mouth to lick it clean.

"But you did," Derek said softly, "I'm healed, and I'm fine. I'm sure you'll get use to it in time and maybe it won't be so hard to stop. It'll be okay." He repeated, for what had to be the millionth time that day.

Stiles shook his head, and cursed silently when he indeed felt more blood running down his thigh. "Just... just stay here. I'll be right back. Can..." He hesitated, swalloing, "Can you clean up? The smell... I just don't think I can deal with it." He turned around to leave his room, heading towards the bathroom but Derek stood up and caught his wrist.

"Why do I smell blood?" Derek asked, tense.

Stiles swallowed again, "Other than yours?" He asked, and gave a sigh, "I just hit myself when I got off you, it's nothing."

Derek suddenly tightened his hold on Stiles' wrist, "I can still tell when you're lying."

Stiles looked over his shoulder and glared at him, "Just drop it."

Suddenly Derek's eyes widened and he looked down. Far enough down to land at Stiles' backside, and Stiles knew he'd been able to pinpoint where the smell had come from, "No…" He said in disbelief, "Shit, Stiles, I-"

"Stop," Stiles said, voice emotionless, and Derek obeyed. He looked back up at Stiles' face and the look of sorrow was almost enough to make Stiles break down again, but he refused to. Not after what just happened, not after enjoying someone's pain as much as he did. He wasn't worth feeling sorry over. "As I said, it's nothing. And I don't want to talk about it, and I won't _ever_ want to talk about it. Just... just drop it, please, and never speak of it again." He finished, and with that, Stiles yanked his hand free and went into the bathroom, washing the blood off his face and hands before pulling out the first aid kit and dropping his pants, cleaning as much as he could and hoping the bleeding would stop again soon. While the kit was out, he changed the bandage on his neck and cleaned his stitches.

It was actually a bit of a bummer for Stiles to realize he wouldn't get supernatural healing like everyone else.

He left the bathroom a few minutes later, coming back to his room to find Derek once again sitting on the edge of his bed. He must've used another sink to get himself cleaned up because there weren't any blood smears along his neck and he'd changed out of his bloody shirt. Stiles was relieved, the smell before he went to the bathroom made him sure he would attack Derek again, satisfied or not.

"I'm sorry," Derek said, and Stiles was about the argue and tell him not to talk about it when Derek continued, "That's the last I'll say about it. Until you decide otherwise."

Stiles huffed and spoke softly, "Don't hold your breath."

Derek just nodded, and Stiles remembered how many dark secrets of himself Derek once tried to keep hidden. Stiles sighed and sat next to him on the bed, gently but still unable to hide a wince.

"What am I supposed to do now? I…" He ran another hand through his hair, "I really don't want to tell Scott."

"You know you have to, though." Derek said softly.

Stiles nodded, and sighed. "I know… I Just… I don't know... I need to figure this out myself first, I wouldn't even know how to go about telling him, or anyone else for that matter."

Derek smirked, corner of his mouth twitching up, "Yeah, talking in riddles like you did with me probably wouldn't be the best way, Scott is pretty oblivious."

Stiles let out an emotionless laugh, "You're probably right."

"it'll be okay," Derek whispered once more, "You and him will be fine - you were there for him when he became a werewolf, he'll be right beside you as well."

Stiles swallowed his doubts and instead just nodded.

"Honestly, how many times has Scott tried to attack you on full moons? He should be able to live with the fact that you want to eat him." Derek said, and Stiles knew he was trying for a light tone to help the mood.

Stiles appreciated the effort, "I know, and maybe if this happened earlier it would be the case. But… but things happened, Derek. We're getting there, but we aren't as close as we use to be."

Derek sent him a skeptical look but shook his head, "Stop doubting him, he's a true alpha. He'll be there for you, it's in his nature."

"I know," Stiles lied, remembering too clearly Scott believing Theo over him. He wanted to believe in Scott though, he really did. They were brothers. But... he had a right to be scared from the thought of him walking away again. With a sigh, Stiles changed the subject, "Anyway, are you hungry?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at Derek, "I can order or cook something, I'm sure whatever the airport had to offer wasn't the best."

Before Derek answered, Stiles' phone began vibrating on the other side of the bed. Stiles was bracing himself to lean over to get it when Derek did instead, looking at the caller ID with a raised eyebrow before handing it to Stiles.

Scott.

Stiles took a deep breath and answered it, "Yo, Scotty. What's up?" He was surprised at how _normal_ he sounded. As if his life hadn't just turned upside-down.

"Stiles! Where are you? We've been worried, you feeling alright?" Scott answered, sounding anxious.

"'Course I am, just stayed up too late last night and slept in today. I told you about the new World of Warcraft expansion, right? It's pretty awesome, I couldn't stop playing until after the sun came up."

Stiles heard a relieved sigh, "Dude, at least text us then! We just... you know, thought maybe something happened, you're still injured so… well, yeah."

Stiles gave a small smile, looking down at his lap, "Alright, I'll remember to do that next time. I gotta get back to the game though, my guildies are asking where I ran off to."

Scott laughed, "Beat all the orcs up for me, and try to come to school tomorrow!"

"Will do, buddy," He said and then Stiles hung up, ignoring Derek's disapproving look. "Do you want food or not?" Stiles asked.

Derek sighed, "Sure. Do you?"

"Um…" He started, not feeling the least bit hungry at the moment, "I'm actually not sure. I can eat real food, right?"

"As I said, I don't know much." Derek shrugged, "But I don't see why not, it shouldn't be a problem."

Stiles nodded, "How about pizza? I think all we have in the kitchen is frozen vegetables, fish, and maybe some potato salad, and I actually don't _really_ feel like cooking."

Derek nodded, "That sounds good, order whatever you want."

Dialing, it wasn't long before Stiles was placing his order and told it would be there in twenty minutes. He flinched as soon as he hung up, because Derek placed a hand on his forearm.

"Wha-" He stopped when he realized what Derek was doing, his pain already lessening. "N- Stop!" He quickly jerked away, heart beating erratically, and feeling himself become nauseous.

Derek gave him a worried and confused look, eyebrows drawing together, "Does that not work on you anymore?"

Stiles shook his head, "I-It did. I just... I don't need it, alright?" He stood up and left the room, hearing Derek follow him after a moment as he went down the stairs. He needed the time to breath, needed the time to get his heart rate back to normal - otherwise Derek would know the real reason he pulled away.

Fear.

 **To Be Continued.**

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Well, I hope you all liked this little bonus chapter! I was happier with it before the website canceled all my edits, heh. Oh well, I think it's good. Enough. Maybe. I'll need your confirmation :P Haha, the next chapter should be up on Friday (that's likely to be my main update-day), however this might be the only extra chapter (aka more than 1 in a week) in the next couple weeks just because I have midterms starting this week and continuing into next. **  
**

Chapters Title From: Goner by Twenty One Pilots (Amazing Stiles youtube video by Marliyn Viktoria)

Thank you so much for reading, I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

xoxo  
-Nucleus


	5. Chapter Five - A Soldier At War

**Authors Note** : Hiya everyone! I hope you've all had a great week and enjoy this chapter!

 **Tays Questions Part II:** Will Stiles' appearance change at all? Is it terrible of me to want Scott to not accept him and there be a big confrontation where Derek (and possibly Peter(?) defending him? Will Deaton or Morelle be brought in for consultation?

 **Answers:** In Chapter 3 I actually described what Stiles looks like when he transforms, otherwise he looks just like the normal Stiles we all know and love. He ends up vomiting right after he sees himself in the mirror, cause... you know... shock. Hahaha (yeah I'm a jerk for laughing at that...). I don't describe it too too much in future chapters because I'm keeping it as Stiles' point of view, and there won't always be mirrors and such around to be giving a description of himself, BUT, you should always be able to tell when he shifts. Cause. Fangs. Vision going all reddy-red, and yeah. But just so you know, in case I maybe didn't describe it so well in chapter three: Stiles transformation makes him a little bit paler, has a very slight point to his ears, not to the extent of werewolves and such though, just a tiny one. His eyes actually turn 100% black (no pupils, no whites, no brown, nothing at all, just black pits), with his vision turning red... sometimes. *wink, wink*. Hahaha it's pretty subtle overall I believe, no long lasting effects on his looks though, no. It's so hard to describe, but hopefully you guys can see the picture I have in my head. :)  
Anddd, you will see how Scott reacts soon. Hahaha, I just want to say I am doing my absolute best to keep characters canon, so, I mean... heh. You'll see.  
Also remember Deaton was actually who Stiles was beginning to call when he just tapped on Derek's name instead, so, yes, he will be brought in at some point in the maybe-distant maybe-not-so-distant future. :P And I hadn't given Morrell too much thought... she's still around, right? Working in Eichen house still, I think. Oh. oooh... well... hmmmmm... okay, new idea, hahahaa, YOU WILL SEE. :P No spoilers. ;)

I love all of your questions Tay, I will only answer spoiler free ones though, haha, and again I reeeeally hope you having questions is from being excited and not legit confusion. :P

Thank you!

* * *

 **Previously:**

"I-It did. I just... I don't need it, alright?" He stood up and left the room, hearing Derek follow him after a moment as he went down the stairs. He needed the time to breath, needed the time to get his heart rate back to normal - otherwise Derek would know the real reason he pulled away.

Fear.

* * *

 **Chapter Five – A Soldier At War  
**

Why? Why was he afraid? They had no connection with one another, and yet as soon as Derek began that process, his mind went right back to being held down and bitten as if he were in the middle of that park again and feeling a part of himself tear away and leave his body forever. It scared Stiles, more than words could ever begin to explain.

He entered the kitchen and got two glasses, pouring them each some water. He picked up his own and took a small sip, not liking how thin it was compared to Derek's blood. And hating himself for even comparing the two.

"So, where were you all this time?" Stiles asked, trying to break the silence after he handed Derek his own glass.

Derek set his glass down after having a sip, "I just came from a small town in Hawaii. But I've been traveling to several different places, trying to find out more on my _evolution_ , as Breadon called it. Not much luck, though." Derek shrugged, he didn't seem too concerned about it, but Stiles still felt guilt creep into him.

"You don't have to stay, you know." He said softly.

"I want to."

"Why?"

"I'm not having much luck on my end, and honestly, I feel closer to my family when I'm here. I've had a lot of good memories in this town." Derek picked up his glass again and took another sip.

"And bad ones." Stiles interjected.

Derek nodded, "The good ones still outweigh the bad though."

"It's amazing how nice you can be when not threatening to kill me." Stiles tried to joke, but his voice was too flat and it just sounded condescending.

Derek let out a small laugh anyway, "Not having anything really weighing me down anymore helps, too." He then drained the rest of his water and set it down on the counter.

Stiles acknowledged that with a nod, putting both his and Derek's glasses in the sink.

Stiles looked up when he heard a car pull up, but relaxed when he realized it would just be the delivery. He was slightly impressed with himself that he was able to hear the noise to begin with. But, when footsteps approached the door and it opened by itself, Stiles started, quickly going to the door with a mumbled, "Shit." When he realized the pizza shouldn't have been there so quickly to begin with.

Sheriff Stilinski opened the door, immediately calling out Stiles' name, only to see his son standing in front of him.

"Why aren't you in school? And whose car is outside?" His dad asked with a frown.

"Hey, dad. Well, um. You see. I just wasn't feeling well…" He said, though he didn't sound at all convincing and his dads frown deepened.

"And the car?"

That was when Derek walked out from the kitchen, and the sheriff sighed deeply.

"I thought you left town?"

"He did! He's back, now. So. I mean, he just saw I was home and wanted to get caught up on everything happening."

"Is this why you're missing school?" The sheriff shook his head, "I just came home for a moment, I forgot a file. I'll let it slide this time but I expect you back at school tomorrow."

Stiles gave his dad his best thumbs up and smile, though by the Sheriffs eye roll, he knew it looked fake. His dad wouldn't normally let him off so easily, but Stiles figured it must be because he's still injured.

After going to the dining room table and picking up the file, his dad made his way out of the house with a, "Stay out of trouble," and left them alone again.

"Here I thought he'd disapprove of me being here," Derek said.

"He's probably grateful, actually. That another _adult_ ," he air-quoted the word, "is here to help out the _kids_ ," More air-quotes, "battling all the danger." Stiles shrugged and walked into the living room, taking few moments to gently lower himself down onto the couch even as Derek walked into the room and he felt the others eyes on him. "What?" Stiles asked about the frown on Derek's face, but already knowing what he'd say.

"I could make it more bearable, why don't you want me to?"

"It just… feels weird. I don't want to talk about it." Stiles began to think he should make a list of all the things he didn't want to talk about. At this point though, he could probably write an entire book on the subject.

Derek sighed and sat down on one of the armchairs beside the couch, "I just want to help, you know."

Stiles looked down, "I know. I do, but… I can't." He sighed, frustrated with himself, "It's too fresh, I can't just pretend it didn't happen by taking the pain away." He'd prefer Derek think that, which was partially true in any case, then realize the way the transference of pain actually made him feel. That wasn't something he could hope to explain.

Derek seemed to accept his reply, leaning back into his seat. "So, what happened between you and Scott, then?" He asked.

Stiles tensed, but gave a sigh, knowing Derek would find out at some point now that he's back, "There was a guy from our childhood who came back, named Theo. He was involved in everything, tried to join Scott's pack, got really close to him." He relaxed into his seat, crossing his arms, "I never trusted him though, he was too different compared to how he used to be. A lot of things happened, and Scott ended up believing Theo over me , he didn't let me even explain what really happened…" Stiles sighed, running a hand through his hair, "But we've made up, he understands where he went wrong, I understand that I shouldn't have tried to hide what happened, but we haven't really been the same since. Not really, anyway." He gave a shrug, acting as if it didn't bother him anymore. When really, his heart was twisting because he was doing the same thing all over again, something big happened and he was keeping it from Scott. A small voice in the back of his head told him he had ever right to be scared, but the voice that wanted more than anything to have his brother by his side muffled it.

"What happened?" Derek asked, his voice casual.

Stiles swallowed and whispered, "I killed someone."

As soon as he finished speaking, another car pulled into his drive way and Stiles got up, gently, and went to grab his wallet from the entry table. He tried not to look at Derek, but when he focused he was able to hear Derek's heartbeat, and realized how fast it was beating.

He was already reaching for the handle when the doorbell rang, and he handed the woman standing there some cash with a quick, "Keep the change," before grabbing the food and coming back inside.

Stiles went to the kitchen to grab a couple plates and came back to the living room, placing the pizza box on the coffee table and handing a plate to Derek, who accepted silently.

"Well, you wouldn't kill for no reason, I assume self-defense?" Derek asks after Stiles placed a piece of pizza on each of their plates, noting that while it did smell good, he couldn't feel any need to actually eat. He handed Derek his plate.

Stiles gripped the edge of his plate tightly, "Yeah," He cleared his throat and sat back down on the couch just as slowly as the first time, "Maybe. At the time, yeah, but… well, I didn't like the guy, so…" He picked off a pepperoni and popped it in his mouth, chewing it for longer than he'd ever chewed on food before. The food smelled good, Stiles thought, so he should stop being afraid and just eat it, so he closed his eyes and forced himself to swallow, following through by immediately taking a bite out of the pizza and swallowing that as well.

Derek didn't reply right away, he picked off the onions from his slice before taking a bite out of his own pizza and swallowing, "Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean you wanted them dead." He said, taking another bite.

Stiles was about to confess how he _did_ in fact want Donovan dead when his stomach clenched and he dropped the pizza. He quickly stood and ran to the kitchen trash, vomiting. Derek came after him, patting him on the back softly as he heaved. There wasn't much left in his system so it didn't last long, but when he opened his eyes he was surprised there wasn't any blood, just more acid and the couple bits of pizza he had.

"Fuck," Stiles gasped, standing up straight and wiping his mouth, "I seriously can't have food?" He groaned in dismay, walking to the sink to wash his mouth out and wash his hands.

"Sorry," Derek said, beginning to tie the trash bag. Stiles suddenly realized why his room didn't smell disgusting, Derek must've taken out that bag while he was cleaning himself up.

He sighed, "It's not your fault. I'll miss curly fries, though," He dried his hands off and pulled out another trash bag from his cabinet, while Derek walked outside to dispose of the other bag.

Stiles felt exhausted, he went back to the living room and sat back down on the couch, shifting to make himself more comfortable. When Derek walked back in, he'd gotten into a good position by placing a pillow behind his back so there wasn't too much extra pressure on his backside, and it helped with his pain.

"Finish eating," Stiles said, leaning his head against the back of the couch and watching the ceiling.

"It won't bother you?" Derek asked.

"No," He replied, "The pizza actually smelt pretty good, just… not appetizing, if that makes any sense."

Derek hummed and took his place back on the armchair, continuing to eat.

"You shouldn't stay here," Stiles said once Derek finished half of the entire pizza, noting with slight amusement that not a single onion had been eaten. He looked back up at the ceiling after his question.

Stiles heard Derek put his plate down on the table and ask, "Why not?"

Stiles snorted humorlessly, "Maybe because I could attack you in your sleep? Besides, your loft is still there."

"You won't hurt me." Derek said, and Stiles was worried to hear no doubt in his voice at all, "And the town had the building condemned, so it's not my loft anymore."

Stiles sighed, "It's not a good idea. I don't…" He moved his gaze over to Derek, who was already watching him, "I don't trust myself. Especially since, as fucked as it is, I can _hear_ your blood flowing through your veins. I don't know how I didn't notice it when I first saw you, it's so _loud_. It makes me want it. I'm not even hungry, but I want it." He looked back up at the ceiling, face hot and ashamed.

"I think that's good. It's good if I stay here. You won't be able to seriously hurt me, and it'll be good practice for you to control yourself." Derek seemed so confident in himself.

" _Practice_?" Stiles asked, looking back at him, "This is your life! Other people's lives we're talking about! I shouldn't have to practice _not killing_ someone!" He crossed his arms over his chest, "How do you _know_ I couldn't hurt you? Couldn't _kill_ you? I don't know my own strength! Maybe there was a reason you were told to stay away from any sign of a vampire, maybe I'm so much stronger than you can imagine!" Stiles was shaking as he yelled, completely terrified of himself.

"You wouldn't hurt me." Derek said again, calmly.

It pissed Stiles off. He flung himself off the couch, and without conscious thought, his vision became hued in that deep red and he was straddling Derek, his teeth already out and posed at Derek's pulse point. He stopped just as his teeth grazed the skin. "I could." He growled, speaking directly against the others neck.

Derek growled in turn and before Stiles knew what was happening, he was pressed against the coffee table, Derek's hand tight over his throat, Stiles grunting in pain at the force against his bottom.

"You stopped yourself." Derek said, hovering over him, "I didn't have to do this, you wouldn't have bitten me just now. I'm doing it to show you that if you _do_ lose control, if you _do_ try to do anything, I have the power to stop you." He then let go, Stiles' hand moving up to massage his neck.

Rather than feel angry, Stiles was relieved. He could be stopped. He breathed a sigh of relief as he sat up, wincing in pain and sat on the edge of the coffee table, crushed box of pizza behind him.

"Thanks," He whispered as the red left his vision.

 **To Be Continued.**

* * *

 **Authors Note** : Just a short note to say thank you all for the reviews, favorites, and follows so far, I very much appreciate them. I look forward to hearing what you think and welcome any criticism! Now I am off to do a biology test that is due in an hour... heh... I had to get the chapter out first :) Thank you all so much!

Chapters title comes from: Recovery by James Arthur (Breathtaking Stiles youtube video by Danov Art.)

xoxoxo  
Nucleus


	6. Chapter Six - Or Leave Me Lying Here

**Authors Note:** Hey everyone! No super long notes this time, just want to give everyone a nice high five (um... just... high five the screen, I promise, I'm on the other side doing it), for all the follows and favorites! Thank you so much!

Please enjoy this next chapter! :)

* * *

 **Previously:**

He breathed a sigh of relief as he sat up, wincing in pain and settled on the edge of the coffee table, crushed box of pizza behind him.

"Thanks," He whispered as the red left his vision.

* * *

 **Chapter Six – Or Leave Me Lying Here  
**

"I'll stay for a couple nights," Derek said, "It shouldn't take longer than that to find a new place."

"Gee," Stiles replied with a roll of his eyes, "Thanks for inviting yourself." Despite sounding sarcastic, Stiles was actually relieved. Even when telling Derek no earlier, he didn't actually want to do this by himself. But... he couldn't imagine telling anyone else, either.

The corners of Derek's mouth pulled up slightly, "Anytime."

Stiles stood up slowly, being handled against the table didn't do anything to lessen his pain, but at least he hadn't started to bleed once more. "We don't have a guest room so I'll have to go get the air mattress out of the attic."

Derek stood up with him, taking a step to the side so they weren't mere inches apart. "I slept in a decrypted shell of a house, and a rusty train station, I can handle sleeping on the floor for a few nights."

"My dad would kill me if I let you do that," Stiles said with a shrug, beginning to walk up the stairs.

"The couch will be fine, then." Derek ushered even as he trailed behind him.

The only reply Stiles gave was a shake of his head, pulling the little rope at the top of the stairs that opened the attic door so he could pull down the ladder and begin the short climb up.

He heard Derek give a soft sigh before following him up.

"It's a stupidly big mattress, Scott picked it out, so we'll have to set it up in my room, there isn't enough space anywhere else." Stiles explained as he pulled the box for it off a shelf. He turned and saw Derek looking around at all the other boxes littering the area, most covered in dust. "My mom didn't like throwing anything away, packed up all my baby clothes and toys, any school projects, even old pots and pans… me and dad picked up her habit." He gave a self-conscious shrug, "It seemed wrong, somehow, to get rid of anything."

"I never did learn," Derek began, looking from the boxes to Stiles, "how it was that she passed?"

Stiles gripped the box in his arms tighter, "She was sick. A condition called frontotemporal dementia." He said, keeping his voice even and then walked past Derek, dropping the box into the hallway below so he wouldn't have to carry it down the ladder with him, "Come on, we'll have to move a few things in my room to get this to fit." Then he began the climb down, trying his best to put most of his weight on his arms so he wouldn't strain his lower muscles.

Derek closed the attic behind them and quickly moved to pick up the box that Stiles was leaning down to get himself. Giving a nod in thanks, Stiles went to his room and moved his nightstand into the corner by his desk, while Derek had begun to pick up some of the odd things around the floor – a marker, balled up paper, a pair of jeans. Stiles wasn't embarrassed by the oddities, it was a normal occurrence for him. They then unpacked the box and laid the mattress across the floor, trying to leave at least a foot of space between Stiles' bed and it but the mattress was already pressed up against his desk before they'd even turned on the air pump.

"Scott picked a California king air mattress?" Derek asked when they finished blowing it up, shaking his head, "He's an idiot."

Stiles gave a small smile, "He's something. It's lasted a long time though, we've had it nearly five years." It was a tall one, too, almost as high as Stiles' bed on its frame, so Stiles turned slightly and flopped himself down, stomach-first, onto the mattress, giving a content sigh once he was settled, with his knee down still hanging off the edge.

"I'd be happy to take the real bed if you'd prefer," Derek joked, smirking down at him.

"Hardy har." Stiles huffed, but still didn't move, instead he closed his eyes and forced his body to relax.

However, they opened in fright a couple moments later when a force on the mattress cause him to bounce a few times. Next to him was Derek, laying on his back with his arms behind his head. He seemed to tense when he realized how fast Stiles' heart was beating.

"Sorry," He said softly, already starting to sit up.

"Don't be, it's okay," Stiles said, reaching an arm out and patting the others shoulder so he knew it was okay to stay.

He pulled his arm back when Derek relaxed and settled back down, and Stiles put his arm underneath his head, resting once more and closing his eyes.

"I don't know what to say to you when you're so nice," Stiles confessed, his voice only slightly mumbled by his arm. "I'm too use to bickering with you."

Derek snorted, "Give it time, you'll get back to your annoying ways and begin grating on my nerves soon."

Stiles laughed softly, "I hope so." And he really did, he was able to joke, of course, but he couldn't bring himself to put any effort into it like he use to. All he wanted was to be himself again.

Derek went silent, and Stiles for once didn't find a need to fill that silence. He relaxed, and not even a minute had passed before he felt himself drifting to sleep.

* * *

The sound of car startled Stiles up, barely noticing the soft sound of familiar music next to him before he was turning over with a groan without thinking twice so he could go back to sleep. But the position instead made a cry of pain fall past his lips and his eyes flew opened. Derek was still… well, not next to him anymore, he'd just half rolled on top of the man, the back of his head resting against Derek's shoulder and his back against the others arm, but what really hurt Stiles was the force of the mattress against his backside. He quickly rolled back over onto his stomach with a grunt and a mumbled, "Sorry," to Derek, who he saw was staring at him with concern filling his eyes.

The soft music abruptly shut off, and Stiles couldn't think of where he'd heard it before. A movement caught Stiles' eye and he saw Derek putting his phone down on his other side. "You okay?" Derek asked, followed by, "Seems your dad is back."

Stiles nodded lazily as a reply to both, "What time is it?"

"Just past nine at night."

"Did you sleep at all?" he mumbled, frowning.

Derek sat up, and Stiles heard his dad opening the door downstairs. "I wasn't tired," He replied with a shrug.

With a groan, Stiles pushed himself down the mattress, letting his waist go over the edge before quickly pushing himself up. It hurt, but only for a moment.

"You can go back to sleep, I'll let your dad know you weren't feeling well." Derek said, standing up himself.

Stiles shook his head, "I'll sleep again in a little while, I have to make sure dad gets something good for dinner and not the left over pizza."

Derek grabbed his arm as he was walking past, "Stiles, really, take it easy."

"I'm fine," Stiles said, shaking his arm without strength, wanting the other to just let him go. It worked, though he could tell Derek was upset about it, and he walked out of his room and down the stairs in time to catch his dad picking up a crushed slice of pizza out of the box on the coffee table. "Dad," Stiles said with a sigh, startling the sheriff.

"Hey kiddo! Thought maybe you'd gone to bed already." His dad gave a big smile, hiding the piece behind his back.

"Hand it over," Stiles said, holding out his hand and restraining a chuckle when his dad complied, "The doctor said no greasy foods for a while!"

The sheriff huffed, "Actually, you said it a billion times until he agreed with you."

Stiles grinned, making sure it reached his eyes, "Come on dad, I'll make you a salad and fish sandwich."

"Nah, son, I already had a _grilled_ ," He made sure to extra emphasis the word, "chicken breast and broccoli at the station. Just wanted desert." The sheriff said, shrugging his shoulders. "I gotta get to bed anyhow, working a double tomorrow."

"On a Saturday?" Stiles asked, "What happened?"

His dad gave him a pat on the shoulder, "Nothing here, the next town over is having some issues though, we're helping where we can."

"Oh," Stiles said softly, "Anything I can do to help?"

"No, doesn't seem to be anything abnormal anyhow." He said with a shrug, "By the way, is Derek still here?" His dad asked as he was leaving the living room.

"Yeah, just for a couple days until he finds a new place." Stiles said, tensing. His dad had seemed fine with Derek's presence earlier, but it wasn't like they'd all had a great past with each other.

His dad nodded, "You got the mattress already?" And Stiles relaxed.

"Yep, already set up."

"Make sure to give him sheets and everything, only Scott can sleep on that thing without a pillow."

He chuckled softly, making sure it sounded like his normal laugh, not bothering to tell his dad that Stiles had just done exactly that, "I will but it's only so uncomfortable to you, old man." He teased, enjoying his dads roll of his eyes.

Then his dad gave him a hard slap on the back – which would've been completely fine any other day, but it was on his lower back where he knew bruises were forming from the vampires grip on him and he couldn't stop a wince.

"Whoops," His dad said, "You alright Stiles?"

Stiles forced himself to smile and not show any pain, instead giving his dad a roll of his eyes, "Of course, you must not know your own strength, dad."

His dad chuckled, "Yeah, yeah, off to bed, I want you in school tomorrow." And with that, he began climbing up the stairs, telling Derek good night at the top of the stairs where his room is visible before going into the master bedroom and shutting his door.

Stiles took a deep breath and ignoring the pulsing pain coming from his lower back – sleeping only seemed to make the pain infinitely worse – and he turned around, tossing his dads piece of pizza back in the box and gathering the plates from earlier, placing them in the sink to be washed the next morning and breaking down the box to put it in the trash.

When finished, Stiles walked back up the stairs, going into the bathroom and splashing cold water on his face. When he stood up straight and looked in the mirror, he could almost believe he was _normal_. There were no black eyes, no fangs, still pale but his normal pale rather than sickly pale. But he knew, in the blink of an eye, all of those things could return. He sighed and dried his face off, returning to his bedroom.

"You okay?" Derek asked, sitting on the edge of the blow up mattress. He'd already changed into a pair of sweat pants and a tank top.

"'Course," Stiles replied, going to his closet and pulling out the only sheet that fits that mattress and a spare cover. He tossed the blanket onto his own bed and began to make Derek's, the other standing up to help. Once finished, he took one of the pillows off his bed and tossed it to the other.

"Well, towels are in the bathroom closet, you're welcome to use the bottom dresser drawer, I don't have anything in it. And," He hesitated, trying to think of anything else, "I mean, help yourself to anything. Mi casa es su casa." He said, doing his best to ignore his own awkwardness.

Derek nodded, amusement seeming to fill his eyes at Stiles' terrible Spanish, "Thanks."

"Mhm," Stiles hummed as he reached for his phone, which was unsurprisingly out of battery. He connected it to the charger and laid it on the edge of his bed.

"Are you going?" Derek asked suddenly.

Stiles looked up, confused. "Where?"

"To school tomorrow."

"Oh," He sighed, "I dunno. I mean… I should, but… but I don't want them to know yet."

"I think you shouldn't." Derek said softly, surprising Stiles. "Even if you did want them to know, I don't think you should. I don't know how you're feeling right now, your scent is all over the place," He seemed to hesitate and looked at Stiles earnestly, "But I think it'd be really overwhelming for you. I don't think it's a good idea. It'll be Friday anyhow, I'm sure you can make an excuse."

Stiles swallowed and nodded. He knew Derek was right, but he couldn't help also being a little annoyed that he kept bringing what happened up in subtle ways that Stiles couldn't really call him out on. "I know," Stiles said, getting into his bed carefully, relaxing on his stomach with his head to the side so he could still see Derek. "We'll just see how I feel in the morning."

His phone began to turn on, and Stiles waited a moment before reaching out to check his messages. He saw a text each from Scott and Malia. Malia just said that she passed a quiz in class. He didn't reply, didn't know what to say, didn't even feel like he wanted to say anything to begin with. Scott messaged saying to chill out with the games and get some sleep. He didn't reply to that either. He set his phone down with a sigh, not sure what he'd been expecting, and looked back over at Derek, feeling his eyes on him.

"What?" He asked, seeing the others frown.

"Nothing, Stiles. You should get some sleep." Derek said, moving to turn off the light and get into his own bed, and Stiles closed his eyes.

An hour passed, and Stiles still wasn't able to sleep. He wanted to turn over, but just the thought of the pain made him shake his head at himself, just deciding to turn his head towards his wall instead. He opened his eyes for the first time since the lights went off, and he noticed he could see his poster clearly.

He could see in the dark.

The red hue was back, but Stiles flicked his tongue over his teeth and didn't feel any points. His vision had just changed by itself. He wondered if his eyes were those black pits, but he wasn't sure he really wanted to know the answer to that.

He turned his head back to look around his room and his eyes fell on the other occupant, sleeping soundly on the air mattress. He saw Derek clearly, saw his chest rising and falling, mouth open as he took in silent breaths. It shouldn't surprise Stiles that he was sleeping so calmly, since Derek technically woke up at one in the morning... but throughout the day, he would sometimes close his eyes, and he saw the fear in Derek's when he'd first turned, before he'd had any blood. How was it he still felt safe enough to sleep in the same room as a monster?

Stiles sighed softly, trying to clear his mind. His eyes never left the others form. It took many hours, but he finally began to fall asleep, watching the steady rise and fall of Derek's chest.

 **To be continued.**

* * *

 **Authors Note:** I hope you all enjoyed and you all have a really good weekend! I know I will, my midterms are finally over so I can start writing this coming week again!... after Monday, icky speech needs to be done then, but after I will be getting back into the writing swing, I've missed it.

Chapters title comes from: ...a song that might not really have much to do with the actual events this time around, but I like it none-the-less (it's hard finding one on chapters like this! Blah. Haha, that's why I need recommendations, just sayin'. :) Okay, yeah, right, comes frommmm: Sound the bugle by Bryan Adams (If you're interested in The Hunger Games, there's a video by FallenAngelOnFire with this song, it's a great one!)

Take care everyone, I'm looking forward to hearing what you all think so far!

xoxo  
Nucleus


	7. Chapter Seven - Broken Inside

**Authors Note:** I'm pretty happy with myself, somehow every chapter has been over two thousand words so far... Which, I mean, maybe compared to most people isn't much (I've personally read fanfictions that have had over 30k words in a single chapter, which... you know... kinda sucks when you keep telling yourself "Just one more chapter before bed, just one." Then realize you have work in 3 hours when you finish said chapter... sucks in a good way, though, cause, yeah. Hahaha). But I'm proud because usually I'm writing and I'm all, "Okay, this is a good place to stop!" And then see it's only like 1400 words or something and even though I'm sad, I just say "Well... I don't wanna keep it going and end up stopping at a bad point... so... yeah, it'll just be a short chapter, they'll live." (pretty much every chapter, seriously) Then during the editing process I somehow keep making them over 2k (before the authors notes... I know my A/N's are kinda long... heh.. sorry?) That's actually how this chapter was! Just... You know... tidbit of info into my life.

Hahaha, thank you all so much for the reviews and favorites and follows! I wish I had something more than just "thank you" to say, because I really do cherish each and every one of you who are reading. You are the reason I continue to do it, and I'm forever grateful you are on this little journey with me. Thank you so very much!

I hope you all will enjoy this chapter!

* * *

 **Previously:**

How was it Derek still felt safe enough to sleep in the same room as a monster?

Stiles sighed softly, trying to clear his mind. His eyes never left the others form. It took many hours, but he finally began to fall asleep, watching the steady rise and fall of Derek's chest.

* * *

 **Chapter Seven – Broken Inside  
**

Stiles stirred, feeling a tingle on the back of his neck. He groaned softly and moved to turn his head to the other side when suddenly his hips were grabbed and he was forced on his knees. He gasped in fright, trying to look behind him but those same hands had moved and had him pinned in place, one hand on the back of his neck and the other keeping his hip steady.

He tried to struggle free but it was useless - his body was somehow paralyzed.

"Are you enjoying this, pup?"

Before the voice even registered, his pants were being torn off of him, exposing his bottom to the cool air of the room.

He recognized his attacker, the pale face of the vampire coming into the forefront of his mind. He tried to yell, tried to get away, but he couldn't speak. Couldn't even force his lungs to take in a breath.

"It's okay," The voice whispered in his ear, "You will." He then felt the hand trail across his hip, underneath his shirt before moving further down his stomach, just making it to his groin as something wet and hard pressed inside of him.

"NO!" His voice came back, and suddenly the world was crashing around him. Stiles heard something around him but couldn't comprehend what was happening, all he saw were vague shadows against his pillow and _red_ , so much red. When that vague shadow approached the edge of his bed, he lashed out, freeing a leg and kicking them away with all his strength – which sent the figure back in a blur and he heard a crash on the opposite side of the room, seeing the red-lined figure land in a crumbled heap.

"STILES!" A voice yelled. A very familiar voice.

Stiles' eyes suddenly came into focus. He blinked a few times to be sure, "D-Derek?" He asked shakily, the red slowly clearing his vision until just a faint hue remained.

Derek sighed, releasing where he was holding his shoulder so he could stand in the small space between the desk and air mattress.

Stiles felt guilt fill him when he realized the shoulder must at least be dislocated, if not worse. But the guilt left him quickly when panic took his place and he quickly reached underneath his covers. He felt every muscle in his body untense when he felt that he was still wearing pants.

 _A nightmare._ That's all it was.

"It's okay," Derek said through quick, small breaths, "You were having a nightmare. It's okay," He repeated, and made his way slowly back across the room.

Stiles brought his hands back up. It was still dark out, but he could see clearly. Could see the pain and unease on Derek's face. "S-Sorry," He stuttered, "I'm _so_ sorry." With shaky fingers, he clutched the sides of his pillow, not daring to move any more than that.

Derek had reached the bed now, "It's okay," He said once more.

Stiles just shook his head, and a sob escaped him just as the tears began. "It's not," He buried his face in his pillow, "It's not okay."

"It is," Derek said, sitting on the edge of the bed after gently moving Stiles' leg, where it was half-off the bed from kicking Derek, back towards him.

He rubbed began to gently rub Stiles' back when he couldn't hold off another sob.

There was a knock on the door, "Uh, boys, everything alright in there?" The Sheriff asked, making Stiles tense, inhaling deeply.

Just as Stiles was opening his mouth to reassure his dad, Derek spoke, "Everything's fine, I fell off the mattress and Stiles was laughing at me." Derek cleared his throat loudly, loud enough for his dad to hear, "I might have thrown a book at him."

Stiles' tears were still running silently, absorbing into his pillow, when he twisted his head to look at Derek in shock. He couldn't help but hope that his dad wouldn't open the door. Derek's story was believable, if, of course, his dad forgot that Derek had amazing reflexes. It would probably be something they'd do if that weren't the case.

He was relieved when he heard a laugh coming from the hallway.

"Alright, alright, no breaking things though! Go back to sleep you two," His dad said, and a couple moments later they heard a door close on the opposite side of the hall.

Derek sighed and continued rubbing Stiles' back, the gentle act causing more tears to come forth.

"Y-You don't have to," Stiles mumbled as he rested back against the pillow, "Your shoulder…"

"Ignore it," Derek said, continuing the ministrations. "It's already healing, I'm fine."

Stiles didn't answer, just nodded his head and closed his eyes, not holding off the tears anymore.

Derek was silent as sob after quiet sob escaped him, and he couldn't help but feel grateful for that. Because what had happened was certainly _not_ okay. And he couldn't pretend that it was.

It was a quarter of an hour before Stiles stopped crying, and another when Derek pulled his hand back, only for Stiles to tense and grip his pillow tight.

Derek immediately put his hand back, "Thought you'd fallen asleep." He whispered, continuing to rub Stiles' back gently.

"It's okay, I'm fine. Go back to sleep." Stiles mumbled into his pillow, exhausted but not letting himself sleep more. He couldn't if he wanted to.

"I'm fine, too, then." Derek said simply.

Stiles turned his head to the side and opened his heavy eyes to look at Derek, who was in turn staring down at him. "I can't sleep more, at least one of us should."

Derek shook his head and spoke gently, "It'll be dawn in a couple hours, I'll stay up. Right here. You should try to sleep a while."

Stiles swallowed, "I don't want to." His voice shook a little and he could just tell that Derek knew what he was dreaming about when he spoke next.

"Do I need to move?" He asked in the gentlest voice Stiles had ever heard, "I can go back to the other bed if you want me to."

"No, no," Stiles sighed, feeling embarrassed. How could he admit he didn't want Derek to leave? It shouldn't make sense, after everything he'd gone through, but... but Derek smelled _safe_ ,"Well, you should, so you can sleep, but I mean, it won't help me. So. Just, I mean, I dunno, keep doing that, or lay down, or go back to your bed, or hell go down to the couch if you're afraid I'll attack you again, just do what you want." Stiles rambled quietly, moving so his face was pressing into his pillow again.

"I'm not afraid of you, Stiles. You didn't attack me, you didn't know who I was, and you were afraid, and that _is_ okay." Derek took a breath before continuing just as softly, "I just want to help you. That's all I want."

"Why?" Stiles asked, though he knew they'd had this conversation before. He just couldn't understand why someone would want to help someone like _him_. A _murderer_. A _monster_.

Someone so damn screwed up.

"You're pack, Stiles. I can't explain it better than that. You are family."

Peter suddenly flashed through his mind, "Sometimes someone doesn't belong in a family. Sometimes it's best not to have someone who can and might _kill_ the other members in that family."

Derek sighed, "That's not you, Stiles. You don't want to kill. You have to believe everyone will accept you as you are."

"I wanted to kill Donovan." He whispered his confession, and Derek's hand stilled for a quick second before he continued, but still long enough for Stiles to tense.

"You wouldn't have wanted that without a reason." He said, sounded completely sure of himself, and if Stiles was able to, he knew he'd snort, "I've killed, too. Sometimes there isn't a choice." Derek whispered, and he heard the others heart waver when he confessed how he'd killed too.

Stiles moved his head again to glance at Derek. "Everyone you've killed, you regretted after. I… even now, even knowing that maybe there was a chance to save him… I don't really regret it."

"Not everyone." Derek said, and as Stiles focused, he could hear that small fluctuate in his heartbeat, "There's only one that I truly did regret."

"Paige?" Stiles asked, and immediately wanted to turn his head away when Derek stilled and stared at him wide-eyed.

"How do you know about her?" Derek asked, hand stilling its movements.

"Peter." Stiles whispered, "He told me and Cora."

Derek sighed, "I wish he would've stayed dead sometimes."

Stiles nodded, actually agreeing with him there, after everything the man had done to them all.

"Yes." Derek said softly, answering the previous question, and slowly began rubbing Stiles' back again, "But I don't regret the act of killing her. I regret making her get the bite. Maybe even regret meeting her to begin with."

"You had good times, too, though. You regret those?" Stiles whispered.

"I-…" Derek sighed, looking away from Stiles' face and down at the floor, "No… No, I can't regret those…"

"I'm sure she wouldn't want you to." Stiles gave a small smile that he was sure Derek could see in the corner of his eye, even in the darkness. He gently scooted himself closer to the wall, "Lay down, it hurts to keep looking up."

Derek hesitated for a moment, but then laid down on his side facing Stiles, propping his free arm under his head to support himself. Throughout the movement, he never stopped his ministrations on Stiles' back.

"Thanks," Stiles mumbled. They laid there in silent for a minute before he felt his eyes becoming heavier and decided he needed a distraction, despite the fact that Derek already seemed to be falling back to sleep. "Is there a way for me to hide my scent?"

Derek's eyebrows drew together as he opened his own eyes, "Maybe... I mean, there are ways for werewolves, but I don't know if it'll work for you." He answered in a whisper.

"What is it?"

"Mountain ash." Derek replied with a sigh. "I really don't think you should try it though. I understand you don't want anyone to know, but who knows what could happen?" He drew his lips into a thin line, "I've only done it a few times, and it… it doesn't exactly feel good. It completely drained my strength, and it lasted a really long time."

Stiles sighed, he knew it wasn't an option he could really use. "I know, I won't." He lifted his shoulder in a small shrug, "I just don't want to be so obviously injured when I tell them. At least if I were injured but you know, not so obviously un-human, I could say I'd gotten beat up or in a crash or something, but…" Stiles reached further underneath his head and hugged his pillow close, "I can't explain both. I can't let them know how it happened."

"I'm surprised you can't heal." Derek whispered, "I don't recall what was said about a vampires' powers, but I assumed you'd at least have that."

Stiles shrugged again, "Strength, night-vision," He saw Derek raise and eyebrow but continued, "creepy blood vision, fangs, paleness, I guess speed is on the list, but I can't really remember how I attacked you earlier so I might be wrong. But seems like a long list of super powers to me already without adding healing."

"Don't forget the ears," Derek said with a small smile, and Stiles snorted involuntarily, wincing when the snort gathered from crying just made it's way down his throat.

"I only saw them for a moment, but I'll be eternally grateful they aren't as big as yours and Scotts."

Derek chuckled, "Our ears are too good for you anyway."

Stiles rolled his eyes, "Whatever helps you sleep at night, not-so-sour wolf."

Derek snorted his amusement, looking down at where his hand still rubbed against Stiles' back.

"You can sleep," Stiles whispered, "Really, I'm okay now."

Derek nodded, "I know. You're sure you're comfortable with me here?" He asked hesitantly.

Stiles nodded, "Yeah, I promise not to attack."

Derek rolled his eyes, "Attack all you want if you don't feel safe."

"I'm safe," Stiles whispered, looking into Derek's eyes, "I know I'm safe around you."

Through the red hue, Stiles couldn't identify what exactly crossed through Derek's face when he spoke those words, but he nodded and closed his eyes, relaxing onto his arm that his head rested against. And even when his breathing evened out, and his hand stopped moving, his thumb somehow still continued to trace odd patterns into Stiles' back.

 **To be continued.**

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Next chapter _things_ happen! Not saying what things, but I know it's something you've been wanting for a while now! Okay, I am off to bed, gotta work extra early in the morning, and somehow write an essay worth 20% of my grade by midnight on Sunday and also do a biology lab and subsequent quiz by then and... and... Fanfiction is so much more important, I had to edit and post this tonight. Hahaha... I'm a terrible procrastinator... :P

Okay, before this stress makes me unable to sleep, I hope you all have a great weekend! No big deadlines after these so let's hope I can get lots of writing done in the coming week!

This chapters song is from: Sanctus Real and it's called I'm Not Alright. (No Derek/Stiles videos or anything Teen wolf on it that I could find, but if you're interested in Anime/Manga and know Tsubasa Reserviour Chronicle, check out a Kurogane and Fai video by xXheavenhitomiXx, you won't regret it!)

Thanks for reading!  
:D  
Nucleus


	8. Chapter Eight - Stuck On The Ground

**Authors Note:** Hey everyone! Thank you all soo much for the lovely reviews (yay for Tay being back! :D) and all the favorites and follows. Gosh it makes my day every time I get a new alert, I'm so thrilled you all like this story so much!

Quick little note about "the vampire"'s appearance, I was kind of a dumb and didn't write it at first, so for those of you following the story till this point you haven't seen it, but I've gone back and updated the first chapter (literally just one sentence) to specify that his eyes are pure black, just like Stiles' when he's hungry. I'm sorry, it slipped my mind until this point. Most of everything else is kind of unknown about his appearance (well, to you guys, heh, feel free to imagine him however you'd like to though!*wink*) because it was super dark in that park, Stiles was all panicky so he didn't really note anything else, and... well... Stiles was face down on the ground a lot of the time. Kinda hard to see in that position. I mean, it doesn't have anything to do with much besides the second sentence of this chapter, but still! I wanted to mention it for any confusion-y stuffs. :)

Now that that's out of the way, on to the chapter! Yay! :)

* * *

 **Previously:**

"I know I'm safe around you."

Through the red hue, Stiles couldn't identify what exactly crossed through Derek's face when he spoke those words, but he nodded and closed his eyes, relaxing onto his arm that his head rested against. And even when his breathing evened out, and his hand stopped moving, his thumb somehow still continued to trace odd patterns into Stiles' back.

* * *

 **Chapter Eight – Stuck On The Ground  
**

Stiles didn't end up falling back to sleep, which he was thankful for. His eyes were heavy but every time they closed he saw pure black eyes, and it was enough to make his eyes snap back open and focus on Derek. He lost count of how many times he'd done that, forcing his breathing to stay even, the soft movement of Derek's thumb making him relax again, and just being content with watching Derek sleep… he honestly couldn't even call that a weird thought, not with everything that had happened the previous day. He had to admit though that it was strange how his entire world changed in just one day, but he guessed that's all it ever takes for a person to change.

Derek started awake when there was a knock on Stiles' door, and he quickly looked away, not wanting to be caught staring, he instead frowned at his door.

"Stiles, up! Gotta go to school today. Won't be home till late again, I'll leave money on the counter – you and Derek eat out tonight and bring me something, will ya?" The sheriff knocked again for good measure and then walked downstairs.

"Sorry about that," Stiles mumbled on his dads behalf once the footsteps faded.

Derek gave a short glance to Stiles and slightly lifted a shoulder, closing his eyes again. Stiles thought he'd go back to sleep but a minute passed and he whispered, "Will you go?"

Stiles frowned again until he understood the question and sighed, "Not to school… but I do think I should at least Scott tell about everything…" He groaned, tightening his hold on his pillow, "I don't want to though."

"There's no rush, as much as I disapprove." Derek said, his voice soft and deep with sleep. "You should be able to hide your injuries well enough for him not to notice, if that's what you're worried about."

Stiles moved an arm out from underneath him, reaching up to move his hair away from his eyes, more out of nervousness than it actually bothering him. "I'll text him, maybe see if he'll come over after school."

Derek opened his eyes and the atmosphere of approval was almost tangible as he stared at Stiles, "I think it'll be a good idea. I can go out, start searching for a place, let you two talk alone."

"No," Stiles said quickly, then swallowed, feeling his cheeks heat up in his nervousness, "I… I just can't tell him alone."

Stiles felt the other fingers of Derek's hand on his back begin to move in slow patterns, and found the sensation comforting. "I'll be here, then." Derek said simply, closing his eyes again.

Stiles let his arm rest between them and smiled gratefully at Derek, even if he couldn't see.

He was suddenly very glad it wasn't Deaton that he called. He couldn't have imagined being treated this way by the veterinarian, though before yesterday he wouldn't have felt the same about Derek, either.

As soon as they'd begun to relax again, Stiles felt his phone vibrating. Derek groaned and moved his hand off Stiles' back, reaching behind him to grab Stiles' phone from the corner of the bed.

Stiles shivered at the lack of warmth when Derek moved, and accepted the phone from him. His eyes widened when he saw Scott's name, even though it shouldn't have surprised him. Swallowing back nerves, he answered and brought the phone to the ear not pressed into his pillow.

"It's an awful time of day, McCall." Stiles grumbled, and he heard Scott laugh.

"I know, but get up! You gotta come to school today, dude, the orcs can wait – there's some sort of big surprise test."

Stiles raised an eyebrow, "Surprise test?" He asked and rolled his eyes, "You mean a pop quiz? I can make it up."

Scott sighed, "C'mon Stiles! I need a ride!"

"What's wrong with your bike?"

"It's gonna rain."

"What's wrong with your feet?"

"Stiles! C'mon, man, I don't wanna get wet!"

He felt his mouth pull up at Scott's whiny tone, and he tightened his grip on his phone. He didn't want to hide anything from Scott, not again. But despite what he told Derek earlier, he also couldn't imagine saying the words, "Scott, I-" He sighed, not able to find an excuse. He looked at Derek for help but he must've rolled onto his back when Stiles wasn't paying attention and was just staring at the ceiling, "I'll be there in twenty." He said softly, hanging up in the midst of Scott calling him his savior.

"I can take away your pain; he won't notice your injury that way." Derek offered softly a moment later, still looking at the ceiling.

Stiles swallowed, remembering the terrible sensation from the previous day, and put his phone down. He knew Derek noticed something was wrong when he turned his gaze from the ceiling and frowned at him. "I just…" Stiles shook his head, moving to get up. "I'll be fine. I'll just… I dunno, I'll go pick him up. And there's no way he won't notice something so I'll just have to bring him back here." He nodded his head, repeating softly out loud, "It'll be fine."

Derek's lips thinned slightly, but he gave a sharp nod before getting up himself and offering Stiles a hand. Stiles took it, grateful he wouldn't have to put much strain on his back while getting up.

He then moved around the room, grabbing a pair of loose fitting jeans and a long sleeved tee, and a pair of briefs. "I won't be long." He mumbled as he left the room.

And it didn't take long before was leaving the bathroom, after showering, changing, brushing his teeth, running gel through his hair, and putting a new bandage on his tattered neck - during which he tried very hard to push back the nauseous feeling he felt as he gently patted antibacterial cream onto it - and he was back in the room within ten minutes to find Derek pulling his shoes on. "You're going to come?" He asked, the dread he'd been feeling since hanging up his phone edging away slightly.

"I know you don't want to do it alone," Derek said, looking up at Stiles when he finished.

Stiles gave a short nod, making himself smile through his nerves, before walking to his closet and pulling on his own shoes and a jacket. Stiles then grabbed his phone off the bed, and put it in his pocket. He was on his way to his desk out of habit when he hesitated. He was about to grab his gun, which he really didn't need anymore. It only took him a second to make the decision to grab it anyway, hating the memory of how helpless he was a couple nights ago.

Derek frowned at him as he pulled out the gun but didn't say a word, and together they walked down the stairs. Stiles picked up his wallet and keys from the entry table and they left the house, locking the door behind them. He absently noted that Scott wasn't just trying to get him out of his house, there were indeed a lot of dark clouds overhead.

"Taking the jeep or my rental?" Derek asked as Stiles began walking to the jeep but he stayed put.

Stiles looked over at the other car parked behind his jeep. It looked to be a new Chevrolet Malibu. He then looked at his jeep and swallowed heavily at the jump he always took for granted when he got into his car, but now couldn't help but dread with his injury. He sighed, "Yours." Making a quick decision, he opened the passenger door of his jeep and stored his gun in the console, deciding to store it there for any emergencies. He made sure to lock his car before continuing down his driveway to the rental.

Stiles gently lowered himself into the passenger side seat as Derek sat down behind the wheel and started the engine.

"I assume you're good with everyone knowing you're back?" Stiles asked as they started driving.

"They'd find out eventually, I don't have any reason why they shouldn't know." Derek replied with a shrug.

Stiles nodded, feeling himself tense up the closer they got to Scotts. It was strange that he could _smell_ the fear circling around in the car. "There are more werewolves around, just so you know." He said to distract himself, "We'll have to gather everyone to introduce you."

"And you." Derek said, taking a quick glance at Stiles before turning his eyes back to the road. Stiles tensed and nodded his head again. "It's going to be okay," Derek said, reaching over without taking his eyes away from the road and gently patted Stiles on his knee a couple times before pulling back.

"Mm," Stiles said, taking a deep breath to calm himself. He had bigger things to worry about at the moment than what the entire pack will think of him. They were turning on Scott's road now. "If he notices I'm injured, what should I say?" Stiles whispered quickly in his fear.

"I've never seen you speechless," Derek said, "You'll think of something." Stiles was still tense and Derek seemed to notice because he continued, "As much as I don't think you should lie, I understand why you would. You could say the other vampire did more injuries then just a bite?" He asked as they parked. "Just don't specify what, that technically wouldn't be lying."

Stiles nodded, "Yeah," He tensed further when Scott came out of the front door with a smile which immediately turned into a frown when Stiles opened his door and carefully stepped outside, not even able to register that fact that Derek did the same.

"Whoa, Derek's ba- " Scott began, but as soon as Stiles was out of the car, Scott froze and started looking around. "Get back in the car," He said tensely, and Stiles gulped, "There's someone else here," He then inhaled deeply, and his eyes widened. Stiles could swear that time slowed as Scott slowly turned to look at him in horror, "Stiles… what's going on?"

Derek walked around the car and leaned against the back passenger door next to Stiles. Stiles kept the indoor handle in his grip, tightening it as a brace for himself.

"Well," Stiles began hoarsely and cleared his throat, "There, last night, well I guess night before last, there was a guy, and he bit me," His knuckles began to hurt from his grip and his words came out faster, "then suddenly you know, things happened, and I went home, and thought about how fucked it was, and freaked a little, and I called Derek, and then he flew in, and there wasn't really any orcs, but..." Scott's eyes looked like they were about to fall out of his head, and Stiles swallowed, "here we are." He finished, ignoring how much his body was shaking.

"He _bit_ you?" Scott asked as soon as he finished, eyebrows pulled together and fists clenched at his sides, "Who was this guy?"

"A vampire," Derek spoke up.

Scott shot his head to Derek and hesitated, "A… vampire?" Scott looked between the two for a few moments before his lips turned up in the corners, "Really?"

Stiles sighed, he couldn't fault Scott. If anyone came up to him saying the same thing before any of this happened, he'd probably break a rib from laughing. He remembered how he reacted when Scott had told him he'd been bitten. He'd made a comment about a werewolf as a joke. Thinking back on everything that had happened since, he wished it had just been an awful joke.

Scott's nostrils flared, and Stiles heard him inhaling deeply, and suddenly he didn't show any amusement, "This isn't one of your pranks... is it?" His fists had loosened at his sides and his features turned sorrowful.

Stiles couldn't do more than shake his head.

"I'm sure you can smell it, he's not human anymore." Derek said, making Stiles stiffen.

Scott nodded, looking at Stiles sadly, "Stiles... why didn't you come to me?" Stiles looked down, remembering not too long ago being asked the same question. But he couldn't repeat the same answer. _I was going to_ and _I couldn't_ just wasn't good enough this time. Scott seemed to understand he wouldn't get an answer so he continued on, straightening his face, "What does this mean anyhow? We haven't heard about vampires before, but maybe Deaton might know something."

"I was going to call him," Stiles said, "The night it happened, but," Stiles hesitated, "My finger slipped, calling Derek instead." He shrugged seemingly nonchalantly, holding back his surprise when Scott just nodded, apparently not noticing the lie, Derek however lifted an eyebrow at him, which Stiles resolutely ignored.

"Hence why you're back?" Scott asked Derek.

Derek nodded in reply.

Scott sighed, "Well, I mean, I'm glad you're back, but seriously, what're we gonna do? How're you feeling?" He asked Stiles. His eyes then widened, "Dude, you're not gonna burn in the sun, right?"

Stiles jerked his head up to the sky, unable to help a small prickle of fear enter his mind. He hadn't even thought about that, even though almost all legends have something about that. "I guess I'll find out when he clouds clear." He whispered, watching them airily. He looked back to Scott and swallowed, "There was a time when you couldn't process what was really happening to you, Scott… let's just say I never really got to the denial stage. I knew as soon as it happened what was going on." Even if he didn't want to admit it until talking to Derek, he silently admitted. He sighed softly, he knew the next part was the one which decided what'll happen with him and his friend, "Scott… vampires aren't completely like the stories, though... I don't just need any blood… I need-" He couldn't bring himself to say it, his voice caught in his throat.

"Vampires feed on werewolves." Derek finished for him.

Scott's eyes widened and he took a few moments to process before he crossed his arms over his chest, "Wait, if that's true, then why was Stiles bit to begin with? He's... well, was, he was human." He finished softly.

"I smelled like one... Derek said since the beginning I've always smelled like a wolf." Stiles lifted a shoulder. After everything that happened, that was something he honestly wasn't bothered by, not since it was confirmed. But from the guilt that immediately filled Scott's eyes, he wished they would've found another excuse as to why he was attacked.

"I-" Scott whispered, "Dude, I'm so sorry."

Stiles shook his head, "Scott, it's okay, really. It's not your fault. That wasn't the full reason he attacked me anyway," He said hesitantly, "He'd been watching me the past week, apparently.." Derek looked at him in surprise, knowing he was telling the truth.

Scott's eyes flashed red, "Where the hell is this guy?"

"He left town," Stiles said quickly, knowing his friend - he still was, right? - He shook his head quickly to get back on topic, "Scott, I… I'm going to learn to control myself, I can't…" He sighed, "Just like you, it'll be a process to learn. But I'll still be here, and I mean, if Derek can hold me off, I'm sure you can, so I don't think I'll attack you, I mean, I won't _want_ to, but…" He ran a hand through his hair, thinking about it made him realize that he could smell each of their blood. He remembered the taste of Derek's, and he felt a prickle of hunger tug at his abdomen, "But dammit, even now, I wan- "

"Don't be worried about that," Scott interrupted earnestly, "I know you won't hurt me or anyone else. That never even crossed my mind."

Stiles hated that he was about to cry, yet again, but forced himself not to, "Scott... just promise, if I do come at you, just stop me. However you have to."

Scott sighed, shaking his head, "You won't. But fine. I promise." He then closed the few steps between them and pulled Stiles into a tight hug. "Stop hiding things from me, I'm not going to abandon you, not again."

Stiles tensed, holding back a wince of pain when Scott slapped his back into the hug. He reached his own arms up and hugged Scott back. Even though it hurt, he was grateful, a weight just lifted itself off his shoulders, and he relaxed, taking a deep breath.

It only lasted a few moments when Scott pulled back, running an anxious hand through his short hair, "I should call in everyone, we should all take off school, talk about everything."

"No," Stiles said quickly, "No, you should go to school. I just want another day to myself anyway."

"Malia won't care, you know," Scott said, surprising Stiles. He'd honestly not even thought about how she would feel about it. He felt shame roll over him but pushed it aside as Scott continued, "None of us will. I mean, Liam may freak a bit, but that's what he does, so don't worry about that."

Stiles nodded, "I know, just… I need an adjustment period, I guess. I'm use to the idea, just…. I mean, it terrified me to tell you." Stiles tried not to notice how guilty Scott looked at that, "I'll tell them this weekend, maybe tomorrow we can all get together, set it up for me?" Stiles asked through a lump in his throat.

"'Course," Scott said, patting Stiles on the shoulder, just as a boom of thunder echoed around them. "Oh, well, still need a ride to school. You sure you don't wanna come?" Scott asked, best puppy-dog eyes in place.

Stiles rolled his eyes, glad to find that it didn't feel forced when he smiled at Scott, "We'll drop you off."

And as if it were just any other day, Scott gave Stiles his best smile and passed Derek, hopping into the backseat of the car.

 **To Be Continued.**

* * *

 **Authors note:** So, maybe not the "things" you guys were expecting, huh? Hahaha, I'm sorry for the tease. I know some of you at least were anxious about when the truth would be revealed to some others though! I promise, other "things" happen soon...er or later. Just saying, right there in the summary, slow build has been warned about. Anyhow, enough of my ramblings. Blame my biology test for this being posted technically Saturday morning rather than Friday night (or... you know... me for procrastinating... I definitely prefer blaming biology though!)... didn't I already say enough of my ramblings?

Chapter title: From Jason Walker, who has a ton of great songs, it's called Down. (There's actually a really good Stiles and Scott video by bosstilinski that I found just the other day, it might have made me a little teary-eyed) :)

Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!  
xoxoxox  
Nucleus **  
**


	9. Nine - Forgive Me For Giving A Damn

**Authors Note:** Hey everyone! Sorry this chapter is a couple days late. (Sorry to worry you, Sme!) I've been busy trying to decide on classes for my next semester and honestly I was kind of dreading this chapter. I wrote it a while ago and I just knew when it would come to the editing I would want so many things to change (which, yes, did happen) because I was kind of unhappy with it - but I wanted to continue, so, you know, I just left it alone for the time being. But I finally got it to a point where I'm pretty happy with it, so I hope you will all enjoy! Chapters shouldn't be late again, unless. You know. Things get in the way. Speaking of things getting in the way, has anyone played Rise of the tomb raider? I started it earlier this week and have been kind of obsessed. Yeah, that might be just a little small maybe reason why the chapters late. Just a small one! School stuff was definitely the majority of it, haha.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

* * *

 **Previously:**

Stiles rolled his eyes, glad to find that it didn't feel at all forced when he smiled at Scott, "We'll drop you off."

And, as if it were just any other day, Scott gave Stiles his best smile and passed Derek, hopping into the backseat of the car.

* * *

 **Chapter Nine – Forgive Me For Giving A Damn  
**

Scott did most of the talking on the drive to school, which Stiles was grateful for. Most of what he talked about was how school went the previous day, how he and Liam are getting closer as beta and alpha, how Deaton is letting him have more responsibility at the clinic – most of the things Stiles already knew, but he knew Scott wanted Derek to know and get caught up, too.

Then he was hopping out of the car, giving Stiles his puppy eyes again while asking him to come along, but, even as guilt filled him, he refused. "I'll be back next week," He said, and Scott sighed softly.

"Fine, fine. I'll swing by after school, though. I want to know more about what happened." He said and swung his bag over his shoulder, giving a nod to the both of them before walking towards the school.

Stiles sighed, feeling the guilt leave him just as relief rushed through him. It was a weight off his shoulders, knowing Scott wasn't freaked out. Knowing he would stick by Stiles' side this time.

"You did good," Derek said as they left the schools parking lot.

Stiles snorted, "If it weren't for you he still wouldn't know what the hell I was. I could barely speak straight."

"Better than you did for me," He replied with a smirk and a slight lift of a shoulder. "It'll take time."

"I know," Stiles said, readjusting himself in his seat. Sitting straight on the leather car seat wasn't helping him at all.

"Why won't you let me take your pain?" Derek suddenly asked.

Stiles stilled. He couldn't explain the feeling, or how frightened he became at just the thought of experiencing it again, he wouldn't even know how to begin to find the words, "I couldn't explain if I wanted to," He mumbled, looking out of the window.

"Try," Derek said, and Stiles saw him steal a glance at him out of the corner of his eye. "All I want to do is help you, Stiles."

"I know," Stiles said softly and braced himself, knowing he had to say something because Derek wouldn't let it go, "I," He reached up and ran a hand through his hair, looking down at his lap, "It's a weird feeling, when you did it before… it reminded me of him," He tried to keep his tone emotionless but knew he failed and his fear came through, "It felt like you were taking something from me, and I… I don't want to feel that way again."

"Was it because I didn't warn you first?" Derek asked, keeping his eyes on the road, "Maybe if you know it's coming, it won't feel so bad."

Stiles inhaled deeply and gave a shake of his head, "I'd rather just deal with the pain."

Derek sighed, but gave a slight nod, ending the conversation. They were almost back to his house now.

"Do you want to go searching for a place?" Stiles suddenly asked, "I mean, otherwise we'll just be sitting at my house all day." And he knew Derek wouldn't hold back with his questions when they had nothing else to do.

"Are you even up for that?" Derek asked hesitantly in return, "I can always look online."

"I wouldn't suggest it if I wasn't." Stiles huffed, "You don't have to treat me like I'm going to break." He tried to push down his annoyance but his mouth was moving too fast for his thoughts, "And you treating me like I am is just making this whole thing a shit ton worse, just drop it."

Stiles saw Derek's hands grip harder on the steering wheel, but the only response he got was Derek passing by the road that would take them back to his house and going further into town. He felt the guilt tug at his heart, but he couldn't apologize, even after all Derek had been doing for him. He instead crossed his arms over his chest and held onto the annoyance and anger. All he wanted to do was to not be reminded of what happened to him every other minute, which was what was happening every time Derek expressed concern for him. He knew if he'd said something like that before his attack, Derek would've lashed right back at him.

He wished Derek would. Anything to distract him so that he wouldn't have to keep remembering, anything to let him ignore what the vampire had done to him.

He ignored the voice in his head that said there was no forgetting it. No going a day without remembering it. Not ever.

It wasn't long before they were sitting outside a realtor's office, staying in the car while they waited for it to open. It was only just past seven thirty in the morning, and the office didn't open until nine. So far neither of them had said a word to each other.

When another ten minutes pass in silence, Stiles started tapping his fingers across his stomach, his knee having starting it's bouncing since they'd parked.

There was a soft tone that startled Stiles and he looked over, seeing Derek bring his phone out of his pocket just to turn the volume down and put it back in. The tone was familiar, somehow. Not a text ringtone or a phone call. He noticed Derek raising an eyebrow at him and looked back down at his lap.

Stiles heard Derek sigh, "There's a diner across the street, I'm sure you don't have an appetite but it'll make the time pass faster." Without waiting for a response, he put the car into reverse, quickly making his way out of the mini-parking lot and across the street.

Stiles didn't object, he knew Derek must be hungry. He hadn't had anything since the pizza mid-afternoon the previous day. Stiles immediately stopped his fidgeting when his stomach let out a soft rumble. He frowned.

Derek must've heard and gave a quick glance at him, pulling into another parking spot in front of the restaurant.

"Are you actually hungry?" He asked in surprise, frown bringing his eyebrows together.

"I'm," Stiles hesitated, trying to gauge if he was or not and gave a shrug, "I mean, I guess? I hadn't noticed…" He swallowed, "But, for what? Actual food, or…?" He trailed off, looking unsure back at Derek.

Derek turned off the car, "One way to find out." He said as he opened his door.

"Wait!" Stiles said, following Derek when he got out of the car, "If this ends badly, I don't want to throw up in front of a bunch of people." He said, scrunching up his nose. He was always becoming sick of just the thought of other people vomiting, and hated the idea of doing it in public.

"We'll sit by the bathroom," Derek shrugged, locking the car and pocketing the keys, "If it happens, we can just say you're hungover."

Stiles grumbled softly to himself, but followed Derek inside, knowing it was an excuse anyone would accept when they'd see how young he was.

Luckily there were only a couple other tables occupied, so when Derek did steer them towards the table nearest to the restroom, they pretty much had the entire area to themselves. A young male waiter walked up to them as soon as they sat down.

"Good morning, can I start you two off with something to drink?" The man asked. Stiles shifted in his seat and brought his gaze down to look at the table while he bit his lip. The hard cushioning not helping him and he tried to situate himself while asking for a water.

Stiles looked up once he got comfortable and noticed the waiter wearing a half-smile, while Derek was openly glaring at the man. He raised an eyebrow in confusion just as he waiter looked at Derek with amusement in his eyes.

"And you?" The waiter asked, ignoring the glare and it made Stiles wonder what transpired in the few seconds he was looking down.

"Same." Derek said, turning away from the man in a clear dismissal. The waiter chuckled softly and laid two menus on the table and walked away towards the main counter.

"What happened?" Stiles asked when the man was out of earshot.

"Nothing," Derek said tensely, picking up his menu and began reading it.

"Mm," Stiles hummed, letting it drop for the time being and picking up his own menu. "Oh, they have a full menu. What're you gonna get?"

"Breakfast," Derek replied, not lifting his eyes from the menu.

"Psht," Stiles said, "That's boring. Who eats breakfast for breakfast?" Knowing he wouldn't receive a reply, Stiles flipped to the back of the menu and looked at the sides. The thought of possibly being able to eat had washed away the majority of his annoyance from before. One of the first options caught his eye, "Think I'll have curly fries. If anything is worth making me sick, it's them." He then put down his menu, mind made up.

Stiles saw Derek thin his lips but he never replied, continuing to read before he put his menu down a couple moments later, and the waiter came back with their waters shortly after.

"Here you are," He said, placing the glasses and a couple of straws down, "Are you two ready to order?"

"An order of curly fries," Stiles said and the waiter wrote his order down with another half-smile.

"Breakfast platter, over easy eggs, with bacon." Derek ordered shortly, picking up the menus and holding them out for the waiter to take before he'd even finished writing down the orders. He took them and continued writing as he walked back to the counter, smile still on his face.

As the waiter walked away again, Stiles asked, "Seriously, what happened? He seems like a perfectly fine guy."

Derek gave an aggravated sigh, "You don't want to talk about it."

Stiles raised an eyebrow, confused for a moment before he realized what Derek meant, "Wait, what? What the hell does _that_ have to do with you being an ass to the waiter?"

Derek ignored him, beginning to drink his water.

"You're really not going to tell me?" Stiles asked with a huff.

"You're really going to get mad if I don't?" Derek asked, setting his glass down with a loud clunk and narrowing his eyes at him.

"I –" Stiles began, about to tell Derek that he wouldn't really care one way or the other, but realized he actually _would_ be mad if Derek didn't tell him, and he couldn't really begin to fathom _why_. "I just, I mean," Stiles sighed, "I don't see how you're suddenly so nice to me after being an ass for so long, then suddenly you're being an ass to a complete stranger." Stiles said honestly, trying not to feel guilty when Derek's eyes widened but then seemed to turn his emotions off completely, the perfect image of the Derek that Stiles had first met.

"I don't have to _try_ to be an ass, so if that's what you want, fine." Derek said, standing up with a huff, his eyes flashing a brilliant blue for just a moment. He began, voice unsteady but eyes seemingly dead, "He thought we came in here just after _fucking_ because you could barely sit down for two seconds, then he gave me a thumbs up for it, as if I would _actually_ fuck you so hard you couldn't damn well _sit straight_." Derek turned and walked – more like stomped, Stiles absently observed - into the bathroom, leaving Stiles stunned.

Stiles couldn't bring himself to be mad at the waiter. It was a pretty logical assumption to make on his part, especially after he'd gone and ordered what some people would call munchy-food. He was more stunned by how Derek was pissed off on just the thought of Stiles in that way and how angrily he had said the words. He'd never thought of Derek in that way, but if someone had made that assumption about him and Scott, he'd probably burst out laughing before the waiter even put his thumb down.

But him and Derek were very different from him and Scott.

Stiles put the thought out of his mind, Derek could deal with those issues by himself, he doubted anything he'd say could help.

However, after having Derek react to him that way, Stiles couldn't help but regret his earlier thoughts. Sure, Derek was pressured into acting that way, and it wasn't exactly how he'd been all those months ago, but he wasn't sure how he'd be able to deal if Derek continued this way. Cold one minute, nice the next. He'd lose his mind on the emotional roller coaster. He just hoped, until he was comfortable with himself, that Derek would continue as he was this morning and the previous day.

Stiles really wasn't sure how long it would take for him to be comfortable again. And odd as it was, the nice Derek was helping him stay on his feet. He knew he needed that support right now and he hated the fear that he may have pushed it away completely.

He reached up his hands and rubbed at his eyes, groaning softly.

"Everything alright?"

Stiles started and quickly dropped his hands, seeing a blurry image of the waiter giving him an apologetic smile before his eyes focused.

"Don't worry, I think I'm the only one who overheard that," He said, placing a plate of steamy biscuits down on the table.

"I –" Stiles began, swallowing past a lump he hadn't realized formed in his throat, "Yeah, he gets that way sometimes."

His tone showed nothing of his emotions, but the waiter still leaned over the table a bit to whisper to Stiles. "I didn't mean to cause an argument, I should've realized it wouldn't be something the two of you would want everyone knowing about," Obviously he hadn't heard the whole outburst then, Stiles thought as he continued, "Nothing to be embarrassed about though, you two are both damn gorgeous."

Stiles felt his jaw slacken a bit, unable to believe what he was hearing. He hadn't experienced anyone so openly say such things about him and it was odd, to say the least. He swallowed and decided it would be easier to play along, "He's just never been a morning person, you didn't do anything."

The waiter leaned in a bit closer and whispered, "Honestly though, it's kinda hot. I love when my boyfriend gets so rough I end up feeling it all day. It's almost as if he's never left." He straightened up with a soft chuckle and walked away, not seeing Stiles' eyes widen and smile disappear completely at his statement.

 _As if he's never left_.

Immediately Stiles felt bile makes its way up his throat and he scrambled up, running to the bathroom, and feeling it fill his mouth as he pushed a shocked Derek out of the way. He almost collapsed as he collided into a cubicle door, shoving it open and falling onto his knees in front of a toilet, making it just in time as the pressure forced his mouth open.

Turning an interval of his heaves, he heard a clicking sound and assumed Derek locked the door. He stayed silent, but Stiles knew he hadn't left, somehow knowing he was right behind him just as another wave of disgust ran through him, the words seeming to echo through his mind and his body convulsed once again.

It was several minutes before he was finally finished and Stiles weakly reached an arm off the rim of the toleit and pulled the handle to flush it. Even as he water stopped running there was a soft dripping sound, and he realized it was coming from the tears running down his face. With an unsteady inhale, he forced himself away from the rim. He didn't have enough strength to get up so he leaned against the wall of the stall, taking in greedy and unsteady breaths of air.

"I…" Derek started after a couple minutes, voice echoing softly even as he whispered, "I'm sorry. I didn't think, I shouldn't have said that."

Stiles couldn't voice a reply, just shook his head, hating the pain in the others voice. The waiter must've spoken so softly that Derek couldn't have heard. He wished he'd been so lucky.

The echoing of the words through his head again made him startle as a hand fell on his shoulder. He turned to look at Derek with Half-lidded eyes, seeing him crouching on the ground in the doorway of the stall. Just like the night before, his thumb began making slow yet deep patterns into the bone of his shoulder. Stiles rested his head back against the wall, not able to express his gratitude in any words. Feeling lightheaded from the force of his breathing, he managed to raise his hand up and close it around a couple of Derek's fingers, hoping the small comfort would help stray away the pounding that seemed to resonate from his head straight into his soul.

 _He's never left_.

 **To be continued.**

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Don't hate me... please? Heh. I have plans! Big, big plans. Some plans already written and set in stone plans. I do hope you all liked it though, past all the tension and flippity-flop Stiles has going on. :)

This chapters title came from: Forgive Me (For Giving a Damn) by Doc Walker. If you listen to it, think of it from Derek's perspective. (I wish there was a Derek/Stiles video on this song somewhere, but how I actually heard of this song and fell in love with it is from a video by javanic123 with the characters Kurogane and Fai from Tsubasa Chronicle Reservoir. It is an amazing video, a bit outdated, yes, but amazing none-the-less)

I'm now off to go play more Tomb Raider! **  
**

Thank you all and I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter!  
Xoxoxo  
Nucleus


	10. Chapter Ten - Where Do I Even Start

**Authors Note** : Hi everyone! Technically didn't make it on Friday night (12:19am is still pretty close though, gotta give me props for that, haha), so I am sorry for that, blame my biology test that I may have waited until the last minute to do... *cough*... anyhow, I've decided to change it up from now on and place the chapter song up here! Cause. I dunno. I remember reading a fanfiction once a long time ago that did this and I always liked listening to the song as I read the chapter. I'm pretty sure they actually wrote the chapters for the song though, rather than write the chapter then figure out during the editing process which song goes well with the mood of that chapter, like I do. But, anyhow, up here from now on! (Also means I'm less likely to forget about doing it. Which almost happened the last two chapters. Maybe less likely... hahaha).

Chapter Title Song: Where do I even start by Morgan Taylor Reid. (Really good video from Liviett, with Stiles and Derek, you guys should watch it!)

 **ALERT:** So. New season airing. I just want to say that this is completely post season 5, with season 6 not happening at all, I don't really have any plans to interpret anything seen in the new season into my fanfiction, I've actually already have written about double what I have posted (writing chapter 23 right now), so nothing from it is even influencing what you're reading (My edits change a LOT, but not that much, haha).

Also, yes, I have 22 chapters written, but no, my updates probably won't change. I get into writing moods, so sometimes I barely get 1000 words out of me in a week or two, while other times I get 20x more. Then the editing process, and my school/work schedules, yeah... I'm trying to have a good little bumper so when I hit my little non-writing moods I can still get an update to you guys. I don't want to ever have to either put out terrible content because I'm rushing to meet a self-inflicted deadline, or, even worse, not feel motivated anymore to get to writing and ... well, yeah, you guys get the point! I like my safety bumper, hahaha :P

Thanks everyone for the reviews, favorites and follows! I love so much hearing what you all have to say, it just makes my day! :)

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Previously:**

Feeling lightheaded from the force of his breathing, Stiles managed to raise his hand up and close it around a couple of Derek's fingers, hoping the small comfort would help stray away the pounding that seemed to resonate from his head straight into his soul.

 _He's never left_.

* * *

 **Chapter Ten –** **Where do I even start?**

It was about five minutes later when there was the sound of someone wiggling the handle to the bathroom, shortly followed by a couple of knocks.

"Everything alright in there?" Stiles heard the hesitant voice of their waiter and he gave a soft sigh, pushing himself away from the wall.

"Give us a minute!" Derek barked, voice not hiding his annoyance at the man.

Stiles straightened further and let his hand fall away from Derek's, "I'm alright," He said hoarsely, swallowing to help ease his scratchy throat, "S'not your fault."

The hand on his shoulder fell, and he looked back to see Derek stand from his crouch. A hand then moved to hover just above his head and Stiles reached his hand back up and grasped it.

"Thanks," Stiles said softly. He ended up on his feet mostly due to Derek's strength and he had to close his eyes to try and get rid of his lightheadedness the movement caused. At least his pounding headache wasn't as terrible anymore. He heard Derek stand behind him, and suddenly a hand was hovering just above his head.

Derek let go of his hand once he opened his eyes again and moved away from the doorway of the stall, Stiles following him out. He went straight to the sink, turning the handle for the cold water and leaned down to splash it on his face, rinsing out his mouth several times until the bitter taste at the back of his throat faded.

"Be nice to the waiter, please." Stiles said as he dried himself off, looking at Derek in the mirror.

Derek gave a barely-audible sigh but thankfully relented and gave a nod, flicking the lock of the door before opening and holding it open for Stiles once he was ready.

He walked out, taking a slow, deep breath and letting it out, refusing to let himself cringe when he sat back down. He pushed the remaining echo of the waiters voice out of his head at the pain the motion caused and instead moved to grip his glass of water. He saw Derek, who took the seat across from him again, give him a worried glance. To further distract himself he took a small sip of his water, the cool liquid soothing his throat.

"Sorry about that," The waiter said a few paces away from the table, walking over with a plate in either hand, "My manager forced me to, I didn't want to interrupt." Stiles saw Derek tense again, but Stiles just looked down at the table, feigning embarrassment.

"No, I'm sorry. After what you said," He was grateful his voice was light, not as heavy as he felt inside, he continued the act by lifting his eyes and looking at Derek, "I just couldn't help myself." He then forced all his wit and strength into giving the waiter a smile – he knew he succeeded when the waiter gave him a wink in return with a sly smile of his own.

"I don't blame you there, not one bit." He placed the food down on the table, "You two just holler for me if you need anything." And, after setting a few paper napkins between their plates, he walked back over to another table across the diner.

"What did he say?" Derek asked immediately.

Stiles sighed, looking down at his plate of curly fries, he was sad to find he held no interest in them at all, the smell actually making him feel nauseous. "Just let it go, Derek. He'll forget about us as soon as we leave here anyway, so you'll only have to pretend to be _fucking_ me for a little while longer."

He saw Derek tense once again and he inwardly groaned, frustrated with himself and his mouth that didn't know how to stay _closed._ Then Derek looked away, picking up his fork and beginning to eat.

Stiles leaned back in his seat and looked around the diner, feeling sicker with himself as the minutes past.

He heard a sigh and a clatter of glass, glancing over to see Derek setting his fork down and staring at him, "You should try and eat," Derek said near the end of his own meal.

He wondered how Derek was dealing so well with how his mood kept shifting, he crossed his arms loosely over his chest and gave a shrug, "I'll just be sick again," He scrunched up his nose at the thought.

Derek's lips thinned, but Stiles knew it wasn't out of anger, the small quirk of an eyebrow was showing nothing but confusion, "You were hungry earlier."

Stiles sighed softly, "I'll try later... I just can't stomach it right now."

Derek didn't reply, he just looked to the side and signaled for the waiter to bring the check.

It wasn't much longer before they were walking out, and the waiter gave Stiles a wink and said, "No interruptions now!" Before walking over to another table. Stiles just ignored him. Derek, however, stopped and turned towards him with loathing written all over his face.

" _Derek_ ," Stiles hissed, annoyed, "What're you going to do? Tear out his throat with _your teeth_?" Stiles grabbed his arm, pulling the tense man out of the door, the waiter too busy cleaning a table to notice the exchange. "He's just making jokes; you don't need to get so worked up."

"Why aren't _you_?" Derek asked as soon as the door shut behind them and they were outside. "He's done nothing but bring up what happened. When I do, you get upset, but when he does it you get angry with me for being annoyed. Want to explain that to me?" He asked, crossing his arms and not budging from his spot in front of the door.

Stiles felt his annoyance towards Derek draining, "I'll probably never see him again." Stiles said softly, before quickly continuing, voice on edge, "Besides, he thinks we're a couple and it's a normal thing. With _you_ … you know what happened… and," Stiles hesitated, "And you've changed… you treat me differently because you know. The waiter doesn't give a damn about what's really going on, so yeah, letting him believe some little fairy tale is easier to deal with than _you_. You _talking_ about it." He forced his arms to fold across his chest when he'd begun flailing them wildly in his tirade, continuing, "If I talk about it, you'll change more, and I'll change, and I just want to forget about it completely. I can't let it just take over me, not when _every_ fucking other thing about me is changed as well. I'm no longer _human_ , Derek." Stiles swallowed and turned away from him, not liking the pity that entered the others eyes at his words, even as Derek was still tense from anger. Stiles began walking towards the rental car, speaking hurriedly, "Every time it's mentioned, it makes me _think_ about it. And I don't _want_ to think about it. Just understand that, at least." He then swung open the passenger door and got inside, Derek still standing by the entrance to the diner.

While Stiles sat in the silent car by himself, he could focus enough, past his own breathing, to hear Derek's heart beating fast. It took about five minutes before it slowed to a normal pace. Oddly, once he stopped focusing, it seemed his hearing returned to normal, the sounds outside of the car muffled and too vague to name. The thought made him frown. From what he was aware of, Scott and everyone had that super-hearing all the time. He put it in the back of his mind, deciding to ask Derek, or even Scott, later today when things had settled between them.

Stiles looked up when Derek opened the drivers door and got into his seat, starting the car. His face was much less tense, almost completely blank. He reached for the gear, resting his hand on it, but before doing anything looked up at Stiles.

"Look, I'm not going to promise not to talk about it with you. I don't like seeing anyone in the pack hurt." Derek began, taking a deep breath before he continued, "I was never a good leader, I know that, but I didn't lose the protectiveness I had as an alpha. Yes, I've changed, but not really. I just stopped looking at you, Scott, everyone else as kids, children who shouldn't be involved in all this shit, and started looking at you guys as _equals_. Because we are. _You_ are. I would be dead countless times over if it weren't for all of you. So, trust me. All that I want to do is help, Stiles."

Stiles once again had to look away from Derek. He knew the other was telling the truth, but Stiles couldn't face that. Not now. Now when the waiters voice was still echoing through his head, not when he easily remembered how quickly he could push Derek back into his old self. He didn't want to think about how talking about it might help. He couldn't imagine that happening, and Derek's insistence on it was hard for him to handle.

Derek seemed to notice his mood and put the car in reverse but when they didn't move Stiles looked back up, Derek speaking right away, "I may be an ass sometimes, me getting irritated easily probably won't ever change, but don't think me being here for you will. You're _pack_. I won't stop worrying about you."

Stiles didn't reply, didn't know how to. His heart beat rose and his throat was closing up and he knew he was dangerously close to crying again. He hated it, he wished he _could_ just forget everything, that he could trust what Derek was saying. But even the accepting feeling he got from Scott's words earlier were fading.

How could he be a member of that pack when, at any moment, he could turn on his fellow members and _eat_ them?

"Take a deep breath," Derek said softly, apparently noticing his panic, and putting the car back into park, "Tell me what you're thinking, I can't help otherwise."

"I- " Stiles did what Derek said and took a deep breath, "I could attack you, or Scott, or _anyone_ at any time. It could happen so _easily_. You shouldn't want to _help_ me, you should be running away from me!" Stiles cried, looking up at Derek just as his tears began to fall. _Pathetic_ , Stiles couldn't help but think of himself.

"Control takes time." Derek said evenly, "Scott couldn't control himself at first, you said so earlier. It takes time for every one of us. Scott uses his friends, his pack. Liam has been a werewolf for quite a while now and he still loses control. I'm still using anger as an anchor. I'm sure we can find you something, too. Something that'll keep you human."

"I'm not the same as you guys though," Stiles whispered, "It might not be the same. What if I'll never find control? Maybe that's why that vampire kept going after that pack ages ago, maybe it couldn't stop."

"The one who attacked you did." Derek said, and Stiles couldn't help but wince at the mention of him. "He did, Stiles. He told you he left town, now of course we don't know if he told the truth, but if so that meant he had control. He didn't have to hunt the entire pack."

Stiles nodded, "I… I know what you're saying, but how am I supposed to even get that control?" He asked helplessly.

"With _help_." Derek answered, "I actually thought of something earlier, while we were driving. It might help."

"What is it?" Stiles asked hesitantly, wiping away the tears on his face with the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Every now and then I'll make myself bleed. When we're alone," Derek added quickly, seeing Stiles freeze after the first sentence, "Just a small cut, see how you do. Eventually, you'll probably get used to it, once it's not so foreign."

"Last time I attacked you!" Stiles argued, picking up on Derek's use of _probably_ , "I just saw _red_ and I couldn't stop myself! How could I get use to something like that?"

"It was your first time," Derek said, "And you _did_ stop yourself, as soon as I told you to stop, you did."

Stiles clenched his fists, "It's too big of a risk."

"I'll decide that," Derek said.

Stiles glared, "Don't you even realize how scared I am of it? Of myself?!" He asked, "I don't know my full strength yet. What if I _know_ what you'll do next? What if you can't surprise me and push me away? What if you _can't_ say something to make me stop?" He couldn't help himself and continued, "You tasted _so_ damn good, I didn't want to stop, even just thinking about it makes my throat dry and makes me physically _ache_! I don't want to test it, I don't want to hurt you or anyone else! I can't do that, I fucking _won't_!"

Derek didn't interrupt his rant, and took a couple moments when Stiles finished before he replied, "You said last night that you felt safe with me. Is it so wrong that I feel safe with you, too?" He asked softly, arching an eyebrow at Stiles.

"Yes," Stiles said without hesitation. "Didn't you hear what I just said? Who _wouldn't_ be scared of me?"

"Your pack." Derek said, "Did Scott seem afraid of you earlier when you told him what you'd be drinking from now on?" Stiles reluctantly shook his head, about to open his mouth to argue but Derek continued, "I can heal from pretty much anything you do to me. Let me help you find your control."

"Not death," Stiles said and swallowed, "You can't heal from that. I don't want anymore blood on my hands, Derek."

"I'm offering this so it won't have to come to that."

"But it could!" Stiles said, "I _know_ you were afraid of me when I first turned! You can't feel safe with me but still be afraid, Derek. That's not how it works."

"I only felt that way because it shocked me." He said, and Stiles knew he wasn't lying, "After the warnings my mother told me, I couldn't help but feel that way. Doing this will make it so I won't feel that way around you again."

"Don't turn this around, you're not offering this for you."

"Exactly," Derek said, catching Stiles' eyes, "I'm offering it for _you_. And, be honest, would you rather it be me, or Scott? You know he'll offer as well."

Stiles swallowed, looking away and imagining pushing Scott against the wall and draining him; he could already _smell_ his best friends blood. He felt a shiver of disgust run through him because he actually _wanted_ to do it. The image seemed burned into the forefront of his mind and he had to shake it his to get rid of it. He knew Derek was right, that Scott would offer, would want to do anything to make sure Stiles found his control. But, as much as he didn't want to hurt Scott, he also didn't want to hurt Derek.

However… if it was Derek, in order to save himself, Stiles thought the other would fight him. Scott, meanwhile, wouldn't lift a hand to really _hurt_ him, he knew that without a doubt, even after Stiles made him promise to.

"Stiles," Derek said when he'd been silent a while, "This can only help you."

"And this can only _hurt_ you." Stiles said softly, looking back up at Derek.

"We'll see." Derek said with a shrug, seemingly not worried about himself at all.

But Stiles was completely sure one about thing. Derek _would_ choose himself in the end over Stiles. It was who the man was. Scott would always put his friends first. And that was the last thing Stiles needed. So, with a sigh, Stiles relented. "Fine… you're right, I do need to learn control."

Derek's reply was just a nod, and he put the car in reverse.

"So," Stiles said while the drove through the parking lot, "When should we start?"

"I'll do it at random times, it won't help if you're prepared for it." Derek said as he drove back across the street.

Stiles swallowed and nodded, knowing Derek was right.

All he could do was hope that in the end he would continue to be so, because just thinking about having that sweet and rich liquid once more filled him with desire. And he feared, if he tasted it again, he'd never be able to stop.

 **To be continued.**

* * *

 **Authors Note** : I hope you all liked it! I look forward to your thoughts on everything happening so far! Sorry if there are mistakes, I tried to rush just a little bit because I have work a bit earlier in the morning than usual. :(

Next weeks chapter might come on Wednesday rather than Friday... maybe... Still trying to figure that out, since it's a Holiday for us in the United States (I'm so excited I have people from other countries reading this by the way!).

Thanks for reading! :D  
Nucleus


	11. Chapter Eleven - What If We Start Again?

**Authors Note:**...Please feel free to hunt me down and wave burning torches at me for being late, I'm so so so so sooo sorry! I was really distracted with my family in town the past week, I thought I'd be able to sit down and edit this before now. Blame my baby neice, okay? I couldn't tear myself away from her little 23ish month old self. :P

Chapters Title: Start Again by Red (There's a video about Charles and Erik with this song, and I really love it, definitely makes me think of Stiles - especially in this situation - and Derek. It's made by LonesomeMultiAngel)

I hope you enjoy this chapter and please let me know what you think! :D

* * *

 **Previously:**

All Stiles could do was hope that in the end Derek would continue to be so, because just thinking about having that sweet and rich liquid once more filled him with desire. And, he feared, if he tasted it again, he'd never be able to stop.

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven – What If We Start Again  
**

They spent a few hours in the real estate office. As soon as they walked inside, Derek was asked to fill out some paperwork. Then there was a small waiting period before they were called to a desk, where they spent the rest of the time looking at properties on the computer with a real estate agent and specifying what exactly Derek was looking for in a home. Stiles didn't give any input, even when the agent looked at him expectantly a few times. He knew the woman thought they were buying a place together, she made it pretty obvious, but since Derek didn't say anything, he decided not to either. He didn't want to repeat the diner incident so soon.

By noon, they were walking out of the office with practically a book listing all the houses, apartments, and condos the agent chose for them – including pictures and all the needed information about each property. Derek wasn't overly picky so the agent wanted them to go over the list, cross out any automatic "no's" and come back either the next day or on Monday, when they'll go visit each left over properties in person.

The only topic they talked about on the drive back to his home was which property Derek was most interested in so far, but the only answer Stiles could get on that was that Derek couldn't choose a place just from pictures alone so he didn't have a favorite.

It wasn't much longer that they were walking back into Stiles' house, Stiles placed his wallet and keys on the entry table and Derek followed his example before he began walking towards the kitchen.

All it took was a few steps before it happened. His vision turned red, a deliciously sweet scent filled Stiles' entire mind and he turned his head to look wide-eyed at Derek, who had just placed a small cut on the tip of his finger, his other hand not even having lowered back to his side yet. His eyes narrowed in on that one spot, red hue in his vision only seeming to make the red of Derek's lone drop of blood stand out even more. Before a thought entered his mind, he was shoving Derek against the wall beside the small entry table, hands immediately latching onto the back of his hand and Derek's forearm, one to keep the pressure on the finger now in his mouth and the other pressing the arm into the wall to keep it from escaping Stiles. He was unable to stifle a moan that escaped him as soon as that sweet drop touched his tongue.

"Stiles, it's already healed," A voice said above him, and he was frustrated to find it was true, so he grazed his teeth over the appendage and greedily took in another drop of blood that the small wound produced.

" _Stop_ , Stiles. Control yourself!" The words couldn't process in Stiles' mind, everything was blurry and unfocused other than the thought of having _more_.

When the wound healed again, Stiles made a groan of annoyance, barely having gotten a third drop. He repositioned his mouth so he could sink his tooth in when suddenly he was pulled back by the hair on top of his head.

The pain brought Stiles' mind back, and he blinked a few times to clear his vision, blood immediately draining from his face as Derek seemed to hesitantly release his grip when Stiles ripped his hands away from the arm.

"I-I'm sorry," Stiles stuttered, feeling his teeth return to normal.

"It's okay, don't feel bad." Derek said with a soft sigh, "It'll take practice, but I know you'll get it."

Stiles just nodded at the encouraging words, not really registering them. His heart was beating wildly, the taste of the blood still in his mouth. He couldn't believe how _disappointed_ he was, just because he hadn't gotten more than a few drops.

A soft rumble sounded between them.

Stiles and Derek both frowned, "Hungry now?" Derek asked.

"I…" Stiles shrugged, swallowing, "I don't really think I'm hungry for _food_."

"Want to give it a shot anyhow?" He patiently asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Only if you eat what I don't, dad will kill me if I waste his salmon."

Derek chuckled softly and they went into the kitchen. It didn't take long for the fish to cook, Stiles decided to pan-fry it on the stove top. He then put a small scoop of potato salad on what he deemed his plate, and a larger scoop on Derek's before bringing them both to the table, Derek following just behind him with glasses of water and the silverware.

When they were seated, Derek began eating right away, while Stiles sipped from his water. A couple minutes passed and Derek gave Stiles an expectant look.

Stiles huffed and picked up his fork, slicing the tiniest piece off of the fish and slowly, dramatically, bringing it to his mouth. Derek rolled his eyes, but obviously seemed interested in the outcome because he hadn't gone back to eating yet. Stiles barely opened his mouth and closed his lips around the fork, sliding it out and chewing for much longer than he would've ever needed to for such a small bite.

But, when he swallowed, he didn't feel sick. Not the slightest bit, actually. He even paused and waited for a couple minutes, Derek staring at him worriedly at first, before slightly smiling as the time passed.

"I can eat!" Stiles said, astonished. "I… why did I get sick yesterday then?" He asked Derek, though he knew the other wouldn't know either.

Derek shrugged taking a bite of his own fish, "Could be any number of things, a lot happened to you yesterday, and you did try just after you had blood the first time, that could have something to do with it."

"I just had blood, too" Stiles pointed out over a mouthful; now that the fear of being sick was away, he had started digging in eagerly.

"A couple drops, if even that much. Hardly counts." Derek replied.

Stiles hummed in response, too busy eating. Derek chuckled softly and turned back to his own meal.

Just when Stiles was finishing his potato salad, his senses shifted and focused on Derek while his eyes starting to become hued in red once more. He was staring at Stiles almost tauntingly, with a small cut on his cheek and his clawed-hand resting just beside the wound. He didn't remember moving again, but he was suddenly straddling Derek's waist, holding his neck in place and tearing the others hand away so he could have access to the wound, beginning by licking along Derek's cheek, picking up the fine line of blood with his tongue and letting out a soft moan when it seemed to irritate the wound further, allowing a few more traces of blood to seep out.

However, through the haze filling his mind, Stiles knew it was healing and he pressed his tongue deeply into the cut, trying to keep it from closing. His plan failed, and the wound still closed. He growled in annoyance, about to stick his teeth into the soft skin when a soft voice made him hesitate.

"I'm about to toss you off. Let go, Stiles."

Annoyed at the threat, Stiles bit down, groaning with satisfaction at the wince he felt in his prey below him. But the joy was short lived, because Derek did throw him away just a split second later, Stiles landing precariously onto the floor beside the werewolf's chair.

Once again, pain cleared his head. Not from the toss itself, but from the throbbing that came from his bottom as soon as he hit the floor. He let out a muffled whine as his vision returned to normal.

"Shit, I shouldn't have done that, sorry," Derek said quickly, standing up and offering a hand to Stiles. He shook his head, licking Derek's blood off his lower lip before he could be disgusted by the idea. It was too distracting. "Just… go get cleaned up. I'm fine." He mumbled, vision and teeth already back to normal.

Derek hesitated, but dropped his hand and went upstairs. Just a minute later, while Stiles was still on the ground trying to get his heartbeat to stop pounding, he heard the shower turn on.

Feeling a tickle on his chin, he wiped at it. When he pulled away there was a small amount of blood smeared on his finger, a drop must've fallen before he licked it away. Swallowing involuntarily, with his vision tinting very lightly in red, Stiles put the finger in his mouth and sucked the blood off.

It was different though, he knew what he'd been about to do.

And that only made Stiles more disappointed with himself.

With a soft sigh, Stiles gingerly stood up, using the edge of the table for support. He hadn't started bleeding again, and he hoped that meant he was healing quickly. The throbbing sensation went away after he leaned against the table for a few moments.

He wasn't angry at Derek, he was glad the other had pushed him off. He was just upset with himself. For not being able to see past the blood, not able to be anything but annoyed with Derek when he'd given Stiles a threat.

For thinking of Derek as _prey_.

Robotically, Stiles stacked the plates and cups together, going into the kitchen to clean them as well as wash off any of the blood that might have remained on his face. He then went through the process of cleaning the pan he used and dried all the dishes, putting them away. When he was finished with that, he decided to clean off the stove.

Moving around, keeping busy, it seemed to help, he thought.

He remembered doing a lot of cleaning years ago, when he'd lost his mother. He quickly pushed that from his mind though. He hadn't suffered a _loss_. Nobody was dead. And so long as he gained control, nobody would die. Not because of him. Not again. He repeated it to himself as a mantra as he scrubbed the stove, followed by the counter tops.

Stiles didn't want to realize that maybe he wasn't mourning for someone _else_. That maybe he was cleaning to forget about losing himself. This did occur to him after a while though, when he was wiping out the bottom of the oven.

Closing his eyes, Stiles took a deep breath to clear that train of thought away.

And that's when he smelt it.

Upstairs, the sweetest smell acted as a siren and he was sprinting up the stairs before he'd even registered getting off his knees on the ground. His vision hued red once more as his mind became foggy and he tore open the bathroom door, finding Derek fully dressed in new clothes, hair still wet, and a small cut on his palm, hanging by his side. He had his other arm held out, palm up, signaling Stiles to stop. Stiles knew it was a test. But he didn't care.

He took another step forward, not able to stop himself.

* * *

This continued on until four in the afternoon. They'd had two more encounters like that, and Stiles wasn't able to stop himself, not until Derek forcefully pushed him away and pain brought him back each time.

In the end, it was just making Stiles frustrated. While he knew control wouldn't come easily, he wasn't starting to think this wasn't the way to get it. Every drop of blood he got from Derek just made him want more. Even now, it was hard to stop himself from attacking Derek as he washed off the remains off blood from his forearm.

He turned away from the sight, swallowing thickly.

Stiles closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and only then was he able to focus enough to hear a rumbling, he strained his hearing to try and make it out, but it still took a few moments before he realized a car seemed to be idling in front of his house. Just as he realized that, the car went silent and two doors opened then closed a couple seconds later.

"Scott did say he was coming after school," Derek said as he dried off his arm, probably seeing the frown on Stiles' face.

Relaxing slightly, but wondering who else was with Scott, he left the kitchen and began walking to the door, opening it just as Scott was beginning to knock.

His chest tightened immediately when he saw who was standing next to his best friend.

Lydia.

 **To be continued.**

* * *

 **Authors Note: T** his was such a pain in my butt chapter. Hahaha, I mean, I love it, and after editing it turned out a lot better... I guess it's just because there wasn't much talky-talk action, and it's shorter than the more recent ones, but still, a lot did happen. Don't worry, if you missed the talky-talk, a lot of it is in the next chapter, still scheduled to be out on Friday! (I have zero anticipations of it being late, I swear!) I hope you all enjoyed!

I am eagerly awaiting your thoughts! :D  
Nucleus


	12. Chapter Twelve - We're Gonna be Alright

**Authors note:** Hi everyone! I'm on time! :D Hahaha, yeah, definitely something to be happy about. I do want to let you guys know that my finals are coming up here shortly so it may be a little bit hectic for a while, so I'm sorry if I get off track schedule wise - however, after finals I have a few week break from school before my Spring semester! I'm pretty excited. Not so excited that I dumbly signed up for an 8am class, but... well, coffee is a good friend to have, hahaha.

By the way, please be my eyes! If you notice I left out something I normally always add, please let me know! (I forgot the to be continued thinger last time... and I might have accidentally titled it as chapter twelve rather than eleven... I was very VERY tired while I was editing that one, hahaha). But I am just one gal so if I make any mistakes please point them out for me, I appreciate it! :)

Oh, and I'm sorry for not being able to reply to reviews, that'll change from now on! Work was very crazy for the last couple of weeks since we had a good amount of travelers in our little town. :P

 **Chapter title:** Give it Time by Tyrone Wells (Sadly I haven't been able to find a Teen wolf video with this song as of yet, but I got this from another youtube video about the show Merlin. It's such an amazing series and honestly when I'm finished with this fanfiction that just may be the fandom I step into next! :P The video is by Legendary Dreamer missjessieban. She actually has a ton of videos that I love for several different TV series' and movies, so if you have the time definitely be sure to check her out!)

Ramblings done, please enjoy! :D

* * *

 **Previously:**

Relaxing slightly, but wondering who else was with Scott, Stiles left the kitchen and began walking to the door, opening it just as Scott was beginning to knock.

His chest tightened immediately when he saw who was standing next to his best friend.

Lydia.

* * *

 **Chapter Twelve - We're Gonna be Alright  
**

Stiles' eyes focused in on her, and when he saw the concern in her eyes his chest only tightened more. He couldn't. He couldn't ever tell her. He looked back at Scott, who tried to give him a small smile.

"I thought everyone was meeting tomorrow?" Stiles asked, swallowing thickly when he heard how hoarse his voice was.

"He seems fine," Lydia said to Scott after looking Stiles up and down several times, "I thought you said something happened to him?"

"She didn't want to wait," Scott said with a shrug.

Stiles swallowed once more, feeling his palms start to sweat with wished they had waited. He wished he only had to experience this terrible fear once more. Actually, he would've wished to never experience it again, but even he knew how selfish that was.

"Come on in," He said with a soft sigh and stepped to the side. Lydia came in first, smiling at him - he was able to force a small one for her in return, thankfully - followed by Scott, who looked apologeticly towards him. Stiles closed the door behind them before breathing deeply, forcing his fears and nerves down so he could focus, act more like his _normal_ self. Lydia couldn't know any more than Scott did. He didn't want anyone else to know, ever.

They all went into the living room, and just as Lydia and Scott sat down on the couch, Derek came in.

"Derek," Lydia greeted, eyebrows pulling together slightly in a frown, "You're back?"

"Yep! Came back yesterday." Scott supplied, and Stiles leaned against the wall by the entrance of the room as Derek took a seat in the same armchair he chose yesterday.

Stiles crossed his arms over his chest to keep them from shaking.

Lydia hummed in response, eyes following Derek as he sat down before she looked back at Stiles. "So," She said, "Tell me whatever it is, Stiles. Stop being nervous."

Nodding, Stiles opened his mouth, but just like this morning, he couldn't find the words. His speechlessness obviously made her worry, because Lydia straightened and held her hands tightly together on her lap.

"Want me to tell her?" Scott offered, looking at him in concern as well.

Stiles shook his head, "No, I mean, I'm gonna have to say it all tomorrow, just…" He sighed, "I mean, it's such a ridiculous thing to say, really. It shouldn't have happened."

"But it did," Derek said, and Stiles clenched his fist. Tensions were rising between the two of them ever since their argument this morning, but he knew the reason why it was showing itself now. Derek must be getting upset about Stiles showing no progress in their tests yet. Just like he was, even if it had only been a handful of times throughout a few hours.

Scott took a moment to glance between the two of them, and Stiles sighed, trying to relax again, "Lydia… I.." He sighed, frustrated, "Remember when we all found out you were a banshee? And we, you know, didn't freak out?"

Lydia raised an eyebrow, "Well, we all knew I was _something..._ but, yes, I rememb-"

"I'm a vampire," Stiles blurted out, cutting the last of her sentence off and immediately feeling nauseous was the words left his mouth.

Lydia opened her mouth to speak, frowned, and closed it, simply staring at Stiles blankly.

"Why did I get a whole roundabout thing and she gets it clear as day?" Scott asked, leaning back on the couch with a teasing grin on his face.

Stiles ignored him, not taking his eyes off Lydia long enough to even roll his eyes at Scott.

Suddenly, Lydia's face cleared, and she stood up, walking over to Stiles at a slow pace. He tensed further with every step she took, gripping his arms tighter against his chest.

Then she reached him and pulled him into a fierce embrace.

"I'm sorry," She said, holding him tight.

Swallowing and blinking quickly, Stiles moved his arms out from between them and wrapped them around her waist. He let his head fall down and he buried it in her hair.

"I'm so sorry," Lydia said again, rubbing his back gently.

Stiles relaxed against her, still blinking away the moisture gathering in his eyes. "I'll live." He said, "I don't know about forever or anything, but I'll figure that out one day."

Stiles felt more than heard a small laugh at that, even if it was an actual worry that he had. Vampires were known for immortality in all the myths, after all. Then again, they were also known for burning at the first sign of sunlight, but after the clouds from the storm cleared away this morning, nothing had happened to him. He pushed those thoughts away, for now, and let himself smile with her.

"It's going to be okay," Lydia said, pulling back to see Stiles, and he saw tears shining in her own eyes. She brought her hand up and covered his cheek, "I promise, Stiles, it will be."

Stiles nodded, trying to keep the smile on his face even as it became harder to do so, "'Course it will be,"

She nodded, too, leaning on her tip-toes to give him a small kiss on the cheek. She then pulled him in for another quick hug before leaning back, giving him a reassuring smile. "I assume Scott is here for details? He was kind of jittery on the way here."

Stiles looked at his friend, who was still leaning back on the couch with a small smile on his face after watching the two of them.

Stiles then looked back at Lydia and shrugged, "Scott's jittery all the time." He said, smirking at Scott's now put-out expression he saw from the corner of his eye.

"Think you're confusing me with you, bud." Scott said, crossing his arms.

Lydia laughed, "You both have your moments." She then pulled away completely from Stiles with a smile and moved to sit back on the couch.

Stiles took a seat on the armchair by Scott, opposite to Derek.

"There's not really much to say, I'm still figuring out everything."

"How'd it happen?" Lydia asked.

"A guy attacked me the night before last, in the park nearby." Stiles shrugged, acting nonchalantly, as though it wasn't an event that changed his life forever, "He said that he was leaving town right after so we'd never meet again, and yeah. Not much else to it." Lydia narrowed her eyes, but Stiles ignored it. There was no reason for her to suspect anything else. He'd even sat down without wincing, there was no other sign anything was wrong.

"What can you do?" Scott asked, looking excited.

"I can hear pretty well, but do you guys have to focus for that to happen? I learned earlier that I do.." Scott and Derek both shook their heads, Derek with an eyebrow raised, "Other than that, speed. Maybe. I mean, I can't really remember moving in general, so, that's probably it," Scott looked confused at that, but Derek confirmed he did move quickly with a sharp nod. "One downer seems to be that I don't have super special healing powers like you two, though."

"You sure?" Scott asked with a frown and Stiles nodded. "Well... that sucks."

Stiles snorted, "Yeah, tell me about it. Uh, night vision, that's pretty interesting. And then there's the sharp teeth and creepy eye thing. There may be more, but from what I can tell, you have it better than me." Stiles finished with a short shrug.

"Don't forget the ears." Derek said, smirking.

Stiles rolled his eyes, "Better than yours, still." He shot back.

"Whoa, wait," Scott hurried to say while sitting up straighter, just as Derek was opening his mouth to retort, "So you have this whole transforming thing too? Can I see?" Lydia also sat up, seemingly interested as well.

Stiles hesitated, glancing at Derek for a moment before looking back at them, "Well, I still can't really control it, so, that's probably a bad idea."

"What makes you shift then?" Scott asked, "Is it anger, like us?" He gestured at himself and Derek.

"No," Stiles shook his head, "I mean, maybe it's a factor, I don't know." He shrugged. "But, as far as I'm aware, it happens when I, you know, smell blood." He felt his face heat up as Lydia's eyes widened, and Scott pursed his lips.

"That's pretty gross. Speaking of, are you alright?" He asked, "I mean, you don't like _die_ if you don't eat, right?"

"Well, Derek did say, once, that it's a possibility." Stiles said, wanting some attention off his personal eating habits.

Scott immediately looked at Derek, waiting for him to elaborate on what Stiles said.

"That's just what I've heard, I don't know if it's true." Derek shrugged, "It's just what one of my cousins said."

"Shit," Scott said, "We've gotta get you to eat then."

"What are we supposed to do, pick up some random person off of the streets?" Lydia asked Scott. Stiles didn't find it shocking at all that she seemed more curious rather than adverse to that idea.

"Oh, right, you don't know," Scott said, looking at Lydia, "Stiles only feeds off werewolves." He said with a shrug.

She looked stunned for only a split second, then a small, teasing - though Stiles preferred to refer to it as evil - grin formed, "Well then, you're pretty meaty, serve yourself up." She said and pushed Scott's shoulder, making him lean towards Stiles.

Stiles watched it happening with a small smile of his own, until Scott replied.

"That's not a bad idea, actually. I mean, I'll heal anyway. Here," Scott said, holding out his arm for Stiles, making him freeze.

Involuntarily, his eyes lowered to the wrist held before him, still amazed, and disgusted, that he was able to _see_ the blood flowing in the light green veins. Swallowing thickly, he closed his eyes.

"I'm fine," Stiles said, "That's not anything you have to _ever_ give me, Scott. And don't. Not ever. S _eriously_ ," He said, opening his eyes and staring into his friend's eyes, avoiding looking at the wrist still held out in front of him. "You don't seem to understand how dangerous I am."

Scott rolled his eyes, "I'll be fine." Then he shifted closer to the edge of the couch, "I'm serious, Stiles. I don't want anything to happen to you. So drink."

Avoiding the temptation, Stiles stood up quickly, taking quick steps away from Scott until his back hit against a wall. "And I'm serious! I don't _need_ it."

"He doesn't," Derek said, just as Scott opened his mouth to argue back. "I let him feed on me yesterday; vampires last a long time on a little bit of blood. I heard draining a werewolf leads to a vampire surviving a month or two, I imagine as much as he had yesterday should probably last him at least a week, if not even longer." Derek explained, setting Scott at ease.

Stiles, meanwhile, wasn't so sure. Maybe it was the tests they were doing, but he didn't _feel_ satisfied. He _wanted_ more blood. But he wouldn't take it. Not ever without being offered. He would promise himself that at least. But he'd never take from Scott. Or Liam. Or Hayden...

"Well... that's good, then," Scott interrupted Stiles' thoughts, snapping him back into the present and allowing himself to relax after seeing the small smile on his friends face, "But, dude, really, _gross_." He said with an over-dramatic grimace, and Lydia slapped his shoulder, which just made Scott laugh.

 **To be continued.**

* * *

 **Authors Note:** I hope you all liked it! Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter, too. I tried to add to it during the edit but it honestly didn't need very much, and the last thing I want is to add words just for there to be words and hurt the flow of the story. Next one should be a little bit longer at least! :)

I can't wait to hear what you think!  
Thank you!  
Nucleus


	13. Chapter Thirteen - Run Away, I'll Attack

**Authors note:** Sorry for the delay with this chapter! I feel so badly that I'm starting out a lot of authors notes with that. :( I should get more settled after this weekend though! My finals are over and I have a few week break from school until Spring Semester! :)

Chapter Title: Little bit of a random song, but it's been stuck in my head! And. Um. I mean. The lyrics fit... in my mind. ;) It's Attack by 30 Seconds to Mars. (No video for this one, though, I mean, the music video is pretty good itself, they always make their songs into mini-movies for the videos. By the way, who else kinda loved Jared Leto as Joker? :P )

I hope you all will enjoy this chapter!

* * *

 **Previously:**

He _wanted_ more blood. But he wouldn't take it. Not ever without being offered. He would promise himself that at least. But he'd never take from Scott. Or Liam. Or Hayden...

"Well... that's good, then," Scott interrupted Stiles' thoughts, snapping him back into the present and allowing himself to relax after seeing the small smile on his friends face, "But, dude, really, _gross_." He said with an over-dramatic grimace, and Lydia slapped his shoulder, which just made Scott laugh.

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen - Run Away, I'll Attack  
**

"How _does_ it taste?" Lydia asked, looking genuinely curious.

Stiles hesitated, quickly taking another glance at Derek as he remembered the taste. The taste that he could remember vividly from just before Scott and Lydia arrived. Swallowing, he answered, "Sweet. Um, thick. Not sticky like honey though, more creamy-thick and really smooth," He licked the corner or his mouth as he recalled, "It's actually full of a lot of flavor, and warm, it's- "

"Okay, okay, I'm gonna puke." Scott held up a hand as he interrupted. "Cool that you like it though." He said, giving a quick thumbs up towards Stiles with his lips pursed in disgust.

Lydia was frowning, and Stiles, feeling put-out, wondered if she was feeling as sickened as Scott apparently was.

He shrugged, put out, "You asked."

"It's interesting to hear how your taste buds have changed," Lydia said and Stiles was able to hear the honestly in her voice, "There's no metallic taste?"

Stiles shook his head and her frown deepened, "Nah, not at all."

"I'm wondering if it changes depending on the person, too. That'd be interesting." She hummed.

"Maybe one day we'll see," Stiles said with a shrug, hoping he wouldn't ever have to find out. Though, he knew one day he would – he doubted Derek wanted to be attacked by him for the rest of their lives.

"Earlier you said you were trying to learn control, how does that work?" Lydia asked.

Stiles swallowed, hesitant to let them know what was happening between him and Derek. Maybe he shouldn't be ashamed of it, it was his life now, after all. And they seemed to do nothing but accept him for it. But he was, and he doubted he'd ever be okay with himself. "Just, you know, trying to keep myself from attacking any werewolf in the room." He said with a shrug, avoiding looking at Derek.

"Is it that sensitive?" She asked, leaning forward, "To where just being around them makes you want it?" Lydia gestured to both Scott and Derek.

Stiles shrugged, "I mean, when I'm thinking about it, yeah, I guess."

"Hm," Lydia hummed once more, "That's interesting."

Stiles raised an eyebrow at her, noticing how everything about him just seemed intriguing to her, "I guess?" He sighed softly and ran a hand through his short hair, "I mean, it's not at the point where I'd literally attack them, though I was close a second ago with Scott…" He looked apologetically at Scott as he said so, who in reply just shrugged. He tried not to get too upset about how Scott didn't seem like he would've cared one way or another. He didn't know what Stiles could really do, after all.

"I'm pretty want-able, I don't blame you." Scott joked and it brought him out of his thoughts.

Stiles laughed, "Yeah, that's it."

Lydia smiled between the two before looking at Derek. "So where have you been?"

Derek straightened, "Hawaii last, a little town named Naalehu."

"What brought you way over there?" Scott asked.

"A cousin of my mother's lived there for a while, under a different pack. I just wanted to see if there were any left." He said, shrugging. "I was only there for a few weeks, but I couldn't find anything."

"Have you ever thought…" Lydia began before hesitating, then seemed to steel herself and continued, "Well, to ask Peter? I came across him once while in Eichen house, but," She shrugged, "I mean, I don't really remember much. But, it's possible that he could know more about your family's history, at least."

Stiles tensed at the thought of Peter. He knew Derek wouldn't want to see his uncle. They all knew by now that the only thing Peter would ever have any interest in is himself.

"Actually," Derek said, surprising Stiles, "I was thinking about seeing him at some point. Maybe when I get more settled, though."

"One of us should go with you though, just in case." Scott added, wary.

Derek shrugged, "We'll see. It won't be for a while yet, in any case."

"Where are you staying now?" Lydia asked.

"Here," Stiles answered, "He'll be getting another place soon though."

Lydia raised an eyebrow, "Interesting development... I thought you two fought all the time?"

"We never _fought_ ," Stiles said with a quick shake of his head and continued quickly, "Technically, in any case. I mean. Kinda, but, no _fists_ were thrown. Well, head smashing a little bit, but no actual _fists_ \- " He suddenly remembered the time he tested Derek's strength for breaking into the bank, "Actually, never mind, punches did occur. _But_ , I mean, only once. So. Yeah," Stiles took a breath and continued awkwardly after seeing everyones amused expressions, "never _fought_. Not really." He shook his head again, "No _p_ e."

"Uh-huh…" Scott muttered, "I was wondering this earlier, too, I mean... you calling _Derek_ first? Really? No offense," He quickly added in Derek's direction.

"I told you, my finger slipped." Stiles replied with a sigh, keeping his eyes away from the man in question.

"Doesn't explain how close you two are now." Lydia said.

"Close?" Stiles asked, "We're on opposite sides of the room!" He said, gesturing to the space between them. He knew what she meant, but with the tension between him and Derek right now, there really wasn't anything to explain. Nothing he'd want them to know anyhow. Scott would no doubt be hurt that he'd let Derek help him with his control rather than him. He wouldn't even know how to begin to explain that, in any case.

Lydia rolled his eyes, but Derek was the one who responded. "I didn't want to impose on anyone else, and he offered, it's really as simple as that."

Scott's eyebrows pulled together in a soft frown, turning to look back at Derek, "You wouldn't be imposing on any one else, you know."

Derek shrugged, "Stiles told me a lot had happened over the last few months. I just didn't want to be a bother to anyone."

"You're not a bother." Scott insisted earnestly, and Stiles could see a hint of red enter his eyes. He was actually a little surprised himself, a feeling which Derek seemed to be having himself - Stiles could see that his eyes widened in his shock - but he didn't realize Scott was so protective of Derek, even after he left.

Derek nodded slowly, "I'll keep that in mind, for next time."

Scott shared a nod with him, and Lydia spoke, "Will there be a next time? Or will you stay in town a while?"

"I'm actually looking for a new place, so I'll be around for the foreseeable future." He replied.

"Speaking of, you still need to look through the huge list." Stiles spoke up softly, still feeling awkward.

Derek nodded, "I will, I brought it upstairs earlier."

"List?" Lydia asked with her head tilted.

"We went to a realtors office today, she came up with a _ton_ of places for Derek to look at. She wants it narrowed down before we go and actually see them though."

"All here in town, right?" Scott asked.

"A few on the outskirts, but yeah." Derek answered.

"That'll be good," Scott said, "It's actually really good to have you back, man."

And that was the most relaxed Stiles had seen Derek become since he'd gotten back into town.

After that the four of them just chatted, talking about more casual topics. Stiles was relieved at how easy it was to revert back to himself for a little while, all worries leaving his mind as he got lost in his friends' voices and relaxed. That is, until Lydia said she was thirsty, and Stiles automatically got up to get her a drink.

He'd gotten up too fast, and he couldn't hold back a cringe at the pain.

"Stiles?" Scott asked, noticing the expression.

"'m fine." Stiles answered automatically, waving off his concern.

"You just… I mean, you smelled like you were hurt…" Scott said worriedly, and Lydia narrowed her eyes, examining Stiles closely.

"Well, I just, you know, have some bruises and such, from the attack." He said with a shrug, knowing his heartbeat wouldn't show that he was lying since it technically was the truth. They just didn't know exactly _where_ those injures were, or the extent of them. If he had to, he'd show them his neck, but nothing more.

"I can help with the pain, if you want." Scott offered, sympathy in his eyes.

Stiles shook his head, "Nah, really, I'll be fine." And with that, he walked out of the room and into the kitchen. But he heard footsteps following him, and knew from the soft sounds who it was. He made her a glass of ice water and set it down on the counter in front of where she hovered.

"I'm fine." He said when several seconds passed and Lydia hadn't spoken.

"Okay," She said softly, picking up her glass.

Stiles stared at her warily for a moment before turning and making himself a glass of water, too.

"You've had more blood from Derek, haven't you?" Lydia whispered suddenly as he was drinking, causing him to choke and have a small coughing fit.

He was glad, at least, that she seemed to realize that he didn't want Scott to know - no matter how shocked he was about _her_ having found out. He replied when he'd gotten his breathing under control, "What makes you think that?" He poorly evaded.

Lydia rolled her eyes, "I know you pretty well by now, Stiles. I also know, if something tasted as you, even vaguely, described, having it just once wouldn't be enough."

Stiles swallowed, "It's just…" He shrugged, "For control. I mean, it just started today, so… All I've had is a couple of drops." He whispered, "He thinks if I can resist, I'll be able to be around everyone just fine. And... I agree, but… I don't even remember going after him when it happens." He stared into his cup as he talked, "I'm just suddenly pinning him and… and I can't stop myself. Afterwards, when he gets me to stop, it's hard to even remember anything about what happened."

"Is that why you're bruised?" She asked angrily. "I'll kill him."

"No!" Stiles answered quickly, "Gosh, no. I mean, well, honestly maybe a little but, no. I honestly do have wounds from the attack. I wasn't lying when I said I couldn't heal." He sighed, "Besides, if it were between me attacking him, or him pushing me off, I'd rather he pushes me. As many times as it takes for me to gain control."

"What made him agree to this?" Lydia asked curiously, and Stiles saw the worry in her eyes.

"He offered, actually."

"Huh." She said and looked down at her water. She was silent for a few moments and Stiles didn't want to interrupt her thought process, choosing to start working on his water again, "Well, what if you're maybe more like a werewolf than you thought?" Lydia seemed to notice his confused frown forming because she quickly continued, "I mean, what if you need an anchor or something? To get control."

Stiles raised an eyebrow, "I mean, I guess it could be something like that, but with werewolves… I mean, an anchor controls your anger, just kind of ties you back from going too far in your rage. With me… I dunno, I'm not sure there _is_ anything that can pull me back from this hunger. When I smell it… something else takes over me. I don't even realize what I'm doing or who I'm doing it to..." He swallowed and looked down at the counter-top, "I don't know if there's anything strong enough to control it."

"If you don't think anything _else_ will work, why is it that you think that _you alone_ would be enough?" Lydia then asked softly.

"I-" Stiles hesitated, "I hadn't thought of that…" He sighed, and Lydia took a step closer and wrapped an arm around his waist, laying her head on his shoulder in comfort. "I have to try something, though." He said softly, reaching an arm around the middle of her back.

"I know." She said, "And you will. But don't think you have to do it alone."

Stiles nodded, though unsure. He rested his head lightly on top of hers. "You're right, Lydia... and for now, I think Derek's my best bet." He said, and heard her sigh.

"I can see why you'd think that. Just, please be safe, okay?" She asked. "I don't like seeing you hurt."

Stiles smiled a bit, "I'll do my best."

She laughed softly, "I suppose that's all I can ask for."

They stayed there for another few moments before they straightened and made their way back to the living room. Lydia stared at Derek as she sat back down and Stiles couldn't help a small smirk at how uncomfortable it seemed to make him.

Scott and Lydia left shortly after, making Stiles promise that he'd go to Scott's by noon the next day for the pack meeting. Stiles had just nodded, already nervous for the confrontation. They bath gave Stiles a hug on the way out, Lydia surprising everyone when she also gave a hug to Derek, who must've been completely shocked because he only was able to pat her on the back a couple times before she was leaving the house.

"Well," Stiles said after the two had driven away. He was already feeling the tension that seemed to have faded slightly during the visit begin to come back. "That was fun."

Derek raised an eyebrow in reply and moved to close the door, "You and Lydia have gotten closer. Anything there?"

Stiles remembered back when his dad asked the same thing, and his answer was the same, "No, nothing of that sort in any case. I mean, I'll always care for her, but, uh" He shook his head, "No. She's actually with deputy Parrish. Sort of. I mean, I think. Actually, we haven't talked about it... but I'm pretty sure they are, in any case."

Derek nodded his head, not seeming to be surprised, "Was he able to figure out what he was?"

Stiles nodded, "A hell-hound." At Derek's raised eyebrow, he added, "It's a long story. But he's a good guy. He's helped us out a lot. Well... sometimes. There was a little matter about him almost kill-" He shook his head, "Never mind, long story." Stiles saw how curious Derek was and knew he'd have to explain later, but there seemed to be something more pressing on his mind.

"What happened to her neck?" Derek asked, referring to the still healing wounds bandaged on Lydia.

"Another long story." Stiles smirked as Derek rolled his eyes, "But she's doing good. She's actually doing pretty well with the banshee stuff these days."

Derek looked impressed, "I missed a lot, huh?"

Stiles shrugged, "Beacon Hills. Trouble never seems to stop."

And almost as if to prove Stiles' point, Derek reached up quickly and made a thin cut on his neck.

Then Stiles only knew red.

 **To be continued.**

* * *

 **Authors Note:** I promise I'll stop ending it on cliff-hangers like that... at some point. Hahaha, I hope you all enjoyed! Also, I do want to mention this, I am a big fan of Lydia. Let's be real here, Derek and Stiles aren't going to get together. I've already cried about it, I'm good. I do hope that Lydia and Stiles will at least be a thing. I mean... I just am not a fan of Malia too much. I don't have any major-bashing plans, I'm trying to keep it all as canon as I can, so I doubt you'll see much of my feelings through my writing. Well... maybe a little... in the not-so-distant future... Okay, nope, not saying any more. I just started that out by saying I don't know if I did a good job portraying the hopefully good friendship Lydia and Stiles share so please let me know! Hahaha, thank you everyone for reading! :D

Please review to let me know what you think!  
xoxoxo  
Nucleus


	14. Chapter Fourteen - Light is in Your Eyes

**Important Authors Note:** I just wanted to say that I am sorry for such a long time between the last update and now. I got the news that my fathers cancer came back just before Christmas, and honestly I just haven't been able to bring myself to write since then. I'm in the mood to now, though. I hope that you can understand that I can't put myself on any deadlines - but one thing I do promise to any of you still reading: I will _never_ give up on this story. Even if it may take me a while to update, I hope that you will still enjoy reading it.

Thank you.

Chapter title: Comes from the song "Dead come to life" by Jonathan Thulin. The video I recommend with it is one having to do with a few animes - put together by AngelicSerenadeMEPs. It's a really great video, if you have the time you should really watch it.

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 **Previously:**

Derek looked impressed, "I missed a lot, huh?"

Stiles shrugged, "Beacon Hills. Trouble never seems to stop."

And almost as if to prove Stiles' point, Derek reached up quickly and made a thin cut on his neck.

Then Stiles only knew red.

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 **Chapter Fourteen: Light is in Your Eyes**

It was around seven in the evening when Stiles and Derek left the house. Stiles ordered take out from his favorite diner, and his plan was to take some to the station for his dad and then head back home for him and Derek to eat.

However, once they got to the station, his dad asked them stay and join him for the meal. Derek agreed before Stiles had even opened his mouth to give an excuse.

Yes, Stiles would normally _love_ to spend the evening at the station, eating with his dad in his office. Get into all the details about the cases his dad was working on – but he had an extremely hard time hiding anything from his dad. Especially lately. Especially after Donovan. He didn't _want_ to hide what happened to him… but he also _really_ didn't want to disappoint his dad. Not again.

He was verily certain that him needing to live off of blood for the rest of his life would be at the top of the "major disappointments" list.

However, Stiles took a seat after helping his dad clear his desk off. It really had been a while since they were able to sit down and eat together, and no matter how anxious it made him, he couldn't deny that he wanted to spend more time with his dad.

"How was school today?"

Of course that _would_ be the first question his dad asked, and Stiles inwardly groaned. "Well… uh, you see," Stiles tried hard to come up with an excuse, but his dad sighed, exasperated, before he could think of good one.

"I'm gonna have to learn how to ground you." He mumbled in response.

Stiles cracked a small smile, "Sorry?" He said with a small lift of his shoulder.

His dad rolled his eyes, but still looked serious, "Nothing's happening, right? I mean, since Derek," He gestured at the man sitting beside Stiles, "is back, and you acting… well, _you_ , but you don't generally miss school unless something happened." The sheriff sat back in his seat and crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes between the two of them.

"Dad, I…" Stiles swallowed, not able to lie, yet still not able to tell the truth, "I'll tell you later, okay? I mean, it's nothing life threatening or anything, just the usual odd occurrence." Stiles needing to drink blood certainly counted as odd, after all. And so long as Derek continued to fight him off, it would continue to be non-life threatening.

His dad frowned, but accepted the answer with a sigh, "As long as you're being safe."

"Always," He said, grinning. "Now come on, dig in. I got your favorite!"

At that, his dad certainly perked up, until he opened his container and his face fell as he groaned, "This isn't an extra-large slice of pizza with a side of cheeseburger."

Stiles laughed, "Oh, cheer up, I got cheesecake, too."

And with renewed vigor, his dad popped a piece of broccoli in his mouth, probably knowing Stiles wouldn't let him have the cake until after he'd finished everything else. Stiles did know he went overboard with the health of his dad sometimes, but he couldn't help wanting him to be around for a long, long time.

With conversation passing all around, they surprisingly ended up enjoying a pretty good meal. Derek told them some about his travels, and the Stilinski's also shared about the small vacations they'd gone on together. Stiles was glad, after all the stress that happened between them all in the past, it was good to know they could all get along pretty well when handcuffs, law, and super-naturals weren't in the way.

That was until dessert rolled around and his dad reminded him of something he'd rather have forgotten about completely.

"Remember, we have to go to the hospital and get those stitches out tomorrow."

Stiles swallowed, setting down his cake and suddenly feeling a bit sick. He'd have to take off his shirt. They'd see all the bruises. The gash on his neck. He didn't have answers for any of that yet. "Was that really tomorrow?" He asked, feigning ignorance.

"Yeah, we need to be there around nine in the morning." His dad replied around a mouthful of cake.

"Oh, well," Stiles said, "I kinda forgot, and made plans with Scott and everyone… I could always get Melissa to do it while I'm there?" He asked.

The sheriff raised an eyebrow, "She'll be at work. She was going to be the one to remove them anyhow, since she's the one who put them in."

"Ah," Stiles said, and glanced at Derek, who was already looking at him. The only help he received was a shrug, and Stiles inwardly groaned. "Okay, I'll go, but really, dad, you don't need to come with me. Don't you have work?"

"Well, yeah. But they won't miss me for an hour." He said with a shrug and took another bite.

"Dad, c'mon, the station needs you. Look at all this paperwork you've got!" He gestured to the stack he'd just moved from the desk to the floor beside it, "I'll be fine going alone."

"I'll go with him if you want someone else there." Derek offered when the sheriff looked unsure even after Stiles' response.

The sheriff sighed, "Alright, alright. Just let me know how it goes, okay?"

They nodded, and shortly after Derek and his dad finished their dessert. Of course the sheriff helped himself to the rest of Stiles' piece as well, but Stiles couldn't find it in him to oppose it.

Then he and Derek headed out, Stiles giving his dad a hug on the way out of the office, with a quick "Be safe,".

It was completely dark outside now, and on the drive back, Stiles asked quietly, "What am I supposed to say about all my other wounds?"

Derek leaned back in his seat a bit and replied, "Scott's mom knows about everything, maybe you should tell her the truth."

"So does my dad, and I don't even know how I'd begin to tell him. Scott's mom…" He sighed softly, "she's like a second mother to me. It's almost as hard thinking about telling her."

"Stiles, you need to realize that not one person you've told so far has reacted badly. No one is going to turn against you. You really don't have any reason to be afraid." Derek said softly, glancing at him quickly before turning his eyes back to the road.

"I know you're right," Stiles said with a sigh, leaning his head against his window, "But it _feels_ different. If I told everyone I'd become a werewolf or something, it might have been easier. We at least know what to expect in that case. But… but I'm unpredictable. I'm afraid I won't be able to find a way to control it."

"Do you _want_ to?" Derek asked, and Stiles could hear how tense he was, and looked at him with a frown.

"What's that supposed to mean? Of course I _want_ to!" He snapped defensively after seeing how serious Derek was in his accusation.

Derek shrugged, "I get that you can't control yourself when you first smell my blood, that's fine, I don't expect you to be able to resist for a long time." Stiles swallowed thickly, wondering how long exactly Derek thought they would have to do this? Then Derek continued, "But afterwards, when you're back to yourself… you don't even try to resist licking your fingers and lips clean."

Stiles tensed, and he realized Derek was completely right. He always had a clear head when he did that. "I-" He hesitated. There was no excuse. Why did he do it? Just because it tasted good? He gulped, "I _want_ control." He said, voice wavering slightly from his revelation.

"Are you sure?" Derek asked, voice still on edge but becoming softer.

"Of course!" Stiles answered quickly and defensively, "I just… I don't know, I can't explain it. It's so impossible to explain how _good_ it tastes." He saw Derek's eyebrow lift and he continued, "What I told the others earlier didn't even half way describe how it really is, I don't think there are even words in the dictionary that would do that. It's like eating chocolate, you know? You like your fingers clean afterwards, because washing it off instead is such a... I dunno, a _waste_. It was like a reflex, I just did it. But - I can stop. I won't do it again, I promise." He insisted earnestly.

Derek sighed, "I can't imagine what it's like, Stiles. But I just don't think you doing it will help you get control of your desires." They pulled into Stiles' driveway, Derek parking beside his jeep.

"I'll stop. I want to. I hate that I love something that belongs to someone else…" Stiles ended softly, getting out of the car.

"Stiles, I'm not telling you that it's wrong." Derek said, following him to the front door. "It's your life now, and that isn't wrong." Stiles was about to protest, when Derek quickly continued before he could, "It's not. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe exposing you to it won't give you control, but I still think it's a good idea. I hope that it'll get you to accept what you've become."

"I have accepted." Stiles said in a huff, unlocking the front door. Hard not to accept something when every waking moment there's a reminder of it.

"Then maybe it'll help you see that you haven't changed that much. You're still Stiles."

"Yeah, a constantly thirsty Stiles who wants nothing more, even right now, then to tear into my friends' neck and drink their blood." He said bitterly, tossing his keys onto the entry table.

"Can you humor me for a minute?" Derek asked suddenly, and Stiles paused, having walked to the foot of the stairs. He turned back to look at Derek, who hadn't moved after closing the door behind them.

Stiles replied only slightly warily, "I guess."

Derek walked toward him slowly, stopping when there was just a foot of room between them. "I'm going to hold you against the wall, is that alright?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Stiles swallowed and nodded his head. He felt a small shiver of fear run up his spine when Derek did take his shoulders and push him against the wall, gently, then placed a forearm over his chest firmly so he couldn't move.

He shouldn't have felt that fear. It was _Derek_.

After what happened the last couple days, what the other had done for him, he shouldn't associate the two together. _But he did_. It helped at least that he could _see_ it was in fact Derek who was pinning him, and not anyone else. He did feel security in that, and refused to let his fear take over all of his senses, no matter how tense his body had become.

"It's okay," Derek whispered, reaching a hand up to his own mouth.

Stiles followed the movement, and his eyes widened when Derek opened his mouth, revealing sharpened teeth, and bit the tip of a finger. Vision turning red, and other senses fading, he immediately struggled against the hold, but Derek was strong, and must've been expecting the resistance, because Stiles couldn't move closer at all.

"It's okay," Derek said once more, holding his finger up beside his face, Stiles' eyes focused entirely on it. "Stiles, look at me."

To Stiles there was only a slight murmuring though, his vision only seeing the drop slowly sliding down the appendage, his hearing only focused on his _sound_ of that liquid slipping from the vein and out onto skin.

" _Stiles,_ " - And there was another murmur, slowly turning into a sort of buzz. His mind darted to it for a second before he bucked his hips, trying to free himself and get to the blood that seemed to radiate just out of his reach.

Then a breeze hit his face, and another scent reached his nose, no where near as sweet, but something sugar filled. His eyes flicked toward where the breeze came from.

"-k at me, Stiles,"

Blinking quickly, the voice registered, and it felt like the hardest Stiles ever had to try, but he was able to slowly, millimeter by millimeter, look away from the mouth in front of me - the source of his 'breeze' and into Derek's eyes. His vision was still hued in red, but he saw the now-bright blue eyes staring back at him steadily.

"See?" Derek asked softly, "It's all okay, Stiles."

As he spoke, Stiles' struggles ceased. It took another few moments before he realized he was hyperventilating and he slowed his breathing a little. The bright red faded, but a slight red hue remained in his vision.

"I wanted to see if you could find control, without pain being involved." Derek explained, blue eyes fading.

Stiles licked his lips, but it didn't do anything. His mouth and throat felt like a desert. "I'm not sure it worked." He said hoarsely and closed his eyes, breaking the eye contact. He immediately swung them open and continued it though, because his sense of smell increased tenfold as soon as he did. His vision swam with bright red for a moment before continuing with the soft tone a moment later.

"Your senses really are different from ours." Derek observed, and Stiles was grateful the other seemed to realize he needed the eye contact even without him saying so.

Wanting the slight distraction, Stiles replied with a breathy voice, "If I focus on one, it becomes stronger. Otherwise I don't think it's changed from before that night." He swallowed, "I still smell the blood, but I'm concentrating on _seeing_ , so it helps."

Derek hummed, "That's interesting. I can try and focus on just one, but the others are still there, makes it hard to dedicate all my attention to particular things sometimes. Like talking or listening, while at the same time trying to recall where I'd smelled that persons particular shampoo before."

Stiles let out a shaky laugh, "Must be distracting if they haven't showered in a while." He was still breathing pretty heavily, but his mind wasn't very foggy anymore. He continued staring into Derek's eyes though, not wanting to see the appendage still hovering beside his head any clearer then the vague shape in the corner of his eye.

"Just a bit," Derek said with a half-smile. "I've had a lot of practice though, so it's usually easy to ignore." He loosened his grip on Stiles' chest, and immediately panicked, Stiles brought his hand up and took a hold Derek's wrist, pushing it back against him firmly.

"Not yet," Stiles panted, not trusting himself, "Just another minute."

Derek nodded, increasing the pressure once more. "You're doing great." He reassured, "But we can stay here all night if you need to."

Stiles would've rolled his eyes, but he didn't see a hint of sarcasm in Derek's eyes. He was telling Stiles the truth. Swallowing, Stiles gave him a small nod, "I don't think that'll be necessary, but thank you," He said earnestly in his breathy voice.

"I'm almost tempted to see if you'd be able to resist if you looked at it." He said, and Stiles tensed, holding his breath. He didn't think he would. Derek quickly continued, "I think we're done with testing for tonight, one day we'll try it."

Nodding, Stiles let out his breath, relieved. "One day." He repeated, tightening his grip on Derek's wrist.

"This doesn't hurt?" Derek asked, and Stiles gave an almost inconspicuous shake of his head. "I smelled your fear, but since you didn't complain, I continued." He whispered, "I'm sorry."

Stiles still found the idea that Derek Hale, of all people, apologizing to him was odd. He replied in just as soft of a whisper, "I think, if you pinned me with my back to you, I would've panicked more. This way is okay, though, just... was shocking."

Derek nodded, and his now-green eyes easily reflected the remorse he must've felt. "I'm sorry, about what I said in the diner. I was out of line."

"You apologizing really needs to stop," Stiles said with a soft sigh, "I made you angry, it's what I do. Honestly, what you said didn't affect me that much in any case."

"It shouldn't be." Derek said, and Stiles lifted an eyebrow in question, "You shouldn't get on my nerves so easily."

"Believe it or not, a lot of people have said that to me." Stiles said, not entirely joking. He got on a lot of peoples' nerves.

"I just thought I changed more." Derek muttered.

Stiles' eyebrows pulled together and his hand tightened his hold on Derek's wrist further, "You have, actually. Not so much sour in your wolf." He said, and Derek's lips twitched. "It's okay to get aggravated, Derek. It's okay to say what you did in the diner when you are, too. I've been known to do the same at times. Everyone does."

"Why is it you're fine comforting others but don't allow the same to be done for yourself?" Derek asked softly, and Stiles eyes widened. He felt the desire to look away but was afraid of where his eyes would go to.

"I…" He swallowed, "I let you last night, didn't I?" He evaded.

"Helping you deal with a nightmare is different than helping you get past what happened." Derek said, and from the way he tensed Stiles knew exactly what he was expecting. A blow-up from him like in the diner. He felt guilt inch its way into him.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to get past it." He said softly. "Every time I close my eyes for more than a second, I see him. I just…" Stiles swallowed, and he blinked a few times quickly, not wanting to break the eye contact between them for long but needing a relief from the intensity of Derek's gaze. "It's too soon… I can't talk about it yet. Or ever."

Derek nodded, "I understand." He said softly, "I shouldn't try to force it out of you before you're ready."

Stiles' vision cleared, and he knew his eyes would've turned from the deep black into his normal brown-surrounded irises. "Do you intend to stay? Just... you know, so I know, in case I do ever want to talk about it" He asked softly. He couldn't give an explanation _why-_ why he'd tell _Derek_ over Scott, or Lydia, or Malia, or even his dad. Perhaps it was because he was the first one Stiles talked to after _it_ happened. Maybe he only felt that way because Derek was _here_ , right in front of him. Maybe he'd even feel differently in the future. But right now, he couldn't imagine being able to tell anyone else besides Derek.

Derek's eyebrows pulled together, possibly wondering the same thing Stiles was, but he gave a soft answer, "Of course I will."

Stiles felt his lips twitch, but he couldn't smile just yet, so he nodded, and released a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding since the question was put between them. He held on tighter to Derek's wrist, but he didn't have to force himself to say the next words, "The waiter at the diner… what he said that affected me so much," Stiles swallowed, and in the moment he paused because he saw Derek part his lips, possibly to tell him he didn't have to say, possibly just shocked he was saying anything, but Stiles continued before he could second guess himself, "He said he liked rough sex. And that when he felt the pain, or discomfort, or whatever the hell it's supposed to be, it would be like they never parted. He seemed envious that _I_ was feeling that way."

Stiles felt Derek tense against him, and suddenly he wasn't pinned to the wall anymore, Derek grabbed his shirt and pulled him against his chest, wrapping his arms around him. With the eye contact broken, he could smell the now-dried blood on Derek's finger now against his back, but the shock of what just happened distracted him from it.

"Sorry," Derek whispered against his ear, at the perfect height since he was only a couple inches taller than Stiles. "I wish you didn't have to go through this. I wish I could make it stop."

Swallowing past a quickly forming lump in his throat, Stiles hesitantly moved to wrap his arms around Derek's mid-section, returning the embrace. It was very different from the hugs he'd had with Scott. If he had to compare it to anyone, it was almost as if he was hugging Lydia. But even that comparison just didn't sit right with him, since all the times Lydia hugged him or vice-versa, it was to give _her_ comfort, even earlier when she was attempting to comfort him, he felt the hug had the affect more on her over him. Pushing the thought away entirely, Stiles leaned his head down, resting his forehead in the crook of the others shoulder. "I said stop apologizing." He mumbled almost inaudibly.

Derek didn't reply, just held him a bit tighter.

"I could bite you," Stiles said, trying to distract himself from the moisture gathering in his eyes, hating that in the quiet he heard the waiters voice once more.

"If it'll help you, do it." Derek replied softly, moving his head to the side to expose his neck further.

Stiles tensed, able to see the veins from where he rested. He longed to open his mouth and go through with it, but he pushed the thought away. He wanted it, he _really_ did, and he knew Derek wouldn't be upset if he did, probably wouldn't push him away after either. But he resisted. He didn't want to ruin the comfort he was currently receiving.

He relaxed completely, for what was the first time true time since the attack, and felt the first tear slid quickly down his cheek, watching it get absorbed into the others tee shirt. He closed his eyes and shifted closer, letting the tip of his nose rest against Derek's pulse-point - feeling warmth from the rushing sensation rather than hunger. He held onto Derek tightly, and Derek shifted him to support more of his weight; he was sure that Derek must be able to sense how much he needed it.

Deciding to let the embarrassment of his moment hit him after he finished, he cried. Soft, silent tears.

Derek said nothing, just silently began moving a hand up and down his back, while the other rested on the back of his neck.

Stiles wasn't sure when the last time he felt this comfortable was.

 **To be continued.**

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 **Authors Note:** Thank you so much for reading. I'm looking forward to your thoughts on this chapter.

Take care,  
Nucleus


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